Confused by what happened.. ***Triggers Warning ***
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Confused by what happened.. ***Triggers Warning ***

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Old 05-27-21, 12:26 AM   #1
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Question Confused by what happened.. ***Triggers Warning ***

I confused by something that happened to me at 3 am this early this morning by a person. Was I giving my roommate a okay because I text him that few words? About " Are we doing any thing or are we just going to sleep than??" Is what I texted my roommate.

This early in the morning around 2am I think. It was fault because I asked in a text to my roommate if we are doing anything? Or would him n I are going straight to bed at 1 am ?

My Roommate Enters my room ; No words spoken
Gets on top my body at the same time he has already removed his briefs which were grey with light white mini stripes and black band around the hips .

Asked him "Which if my mother wakes up?" I ask RM yet all he does is continue like spit into his hand and to make me wet since I was caught off guard . when he came into my room and got on top of me as he than began crawling and forcing he had removed my gym blue short which had been removed by RM as he got him self inside me.

As RM is doing the stuff inside my body . my mind tells me something is not right since RM tells me if me and Ss want to fix whatever issues me n Ss have between only us .. 1st part is to forget the past because it is full jealous , that we both hurt each other by cheating Ss. cheated by wasting his gas and money & time with 1 Female besides barely spending time with you Misty & than you Misty went a cheated on than 10- 20 different males. 2015 until present.

My mind goes into just blank and confused by what if I was the reason why I was just used to just tell myself .. If I really enjoy sex this 1 of the way into a adult men's heart. Which Lust is a sin which makes me feel bad to think but also I know that it about personality and knowing stuff like what common likes & each others dislikes.

Yet sx is my stress relief . it what I do when I hope not to go back to self-harming myself . which since I was 9 years old in 3rd grade until 29 years old is when I had used sx as another yet more unhealth riskier way . yet I than began staying with most of the oldest Friends W Benefits . which never had any issues before.

I right now feeling like I was willing to be used by him like how he tells .. That I allowing any male to walk all over me. Than he asked me is that right? To allow any male to talk down to a female ? I quietly and look away from RM as he keeps saying those statements and questions.
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Old 05-28-21, 04:01 AM   #2
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Hey Goldeni.

Could you maybe elaborate more on how you feel about what happened, and your relationship with this roommate?

I would never say that this was your fault. To be absolutely clear.
However I don't know what boundaries you have set in your relationship with this person, and I don't want to give you an impression that you should be feeling any particular way about it.

If you like, as you put it, being used... I can hypothesize reasons as to why that would be okay, but I can also imagine that maybe you aren't okay with it and that you are pushing away or trying to avoid thinking about those feelings, because those feelings can be challenging to confront.

I couldn't for sure tell you which of those things is true, but maybe what I've said here can give you a better idea for yourself.

A therapist may be able to help as well, because your situation seems complicated.

Either way, I hope you are okay and I wish you the best.
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Old 05-28-21, 10:30 PM   #3
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Default this rocky path..

My relationship with my roommate is he and I grew up in the same neighborhood yet we were not in the same group of friends and also he and I are 4 years different. He & I reconnected when we were both in our 20s. He was already dating a girlfriend which, was back in 2012.

The boundaries between him & I are very rocky since my roommate & I at this time back, in the beginning, were friends with benefits back in 2012. He in the beginning had not told me about his girlfriend; at this time he had started hanging out and he and I had gone out to shop at the local shopping mall. Never were anything besides just friends with benefits between 2012 to this present right now as of this time in 2021.

He has started living with me started in August 2018 when he became homeless due to a woman who had gotten pregnant was a young 23-year-old female former worker at his own company which his former girlfriend & he had started the same company; after he was dealing with the loss of his former girlfriend had passed away from a health problem in 2017. So he had become homeless when the woman who had been 23 years old; had left him and was using the unborn children of his and hers, to get money out of his companies bank accounts.

Before his now gold digger of a 23-year-old female had given birth to his children, she did not want to keep the twins, called my roommate saying that he was getting paid by the couple who was signing papers for the twins, claiming all these crazy things about my roommate since at this time we had still been living paycheck to paycheck in a motel which was never easy since I had lost my father in march 2017 which my father had met my roommate way before my father's battle lose over cancer.

So my mother & I felt sorry for my friend because he has a daughter with the now-deceased girlfriend & mother of his daughter. Which now living with his own mother & new girlfriend at this time.

Where both my mother & everyone I have talked about these issues has questioned how he won't go live with his own daughter and the new girlfriend and he just keeps saying stuff like "I & my mother don't see eye to eye on many things " he keeps saying or " There is not enough space for everyone to live there ."

So where I won't maybe ever understand is why his own girlfriend had sent me multi-text messages from her cell phone saying "That she rather have me have sex with her boyfriend, than have me go on-line & meet just other males who may rape, drug and than murder me " is what the new now girlfriend told me also.

I told his girlfriend about that why would I trust what she is telling me when I am not some dumb female to trust her.

" Well I can't help him, so at least it would be fun for me," she tells me in another text message.

I don't know if putting myself out there for my roommate has made it worst since this where it has gotten worse because back in January 2019, I had also had another issue where I was sick with the flu and cold so I was home with my roommate alone and I had been very not in any mood sexual and also my mother had to go into work.

So he had come into my bedroom also that morning after my mother had left for her job. Had told me to move over and I was not at all in any shape or sexual mood to want to do anything sexual.

He told me " Don't worry, I want to just make you feel better." he tells me as he lifted my blanket and I was very hesitant about what to do, I had taken some cold medication which was making me sleepy so I don't know why I move over when he had asked me to.

I told my Roommate "I don't feel so great..what do you want?" I asked him as he got under my blanket while I am still in my bed.

" I am just going to rub your stomach & it's winter so it cold in the apartment," my roommate tells me as I still feeling the flu.

I try to relax since I do have a history with a real abusive ex-boyfriend who was very toxic in past.

Yet 2 hours after that same day before my mother was planning on going to back home he came back into my bedroom and asked if I was in the mood for anything & he told me " it will be quick and just relax so you will not puke or anything." he tells me as I was just half asleep after only 2 hours of real any sleep.

so he does spit in his hands to make sure I am not dry as I was still not in any mood in January 2019.

I know this sounds very dramatic and it has been very much.
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