Since no one has posted in this forum yet, I figure that I'll kick things off... If I can help anyone through sharing my experiences, then I'll be happy.
I started self harming when I was 15 or 16. At first I did it for attention as a cry for help since no one knew what I was going through...but after doing it the first couple of times, I started to hide it (but I always hid it from my parents). But when people i went to school with (I'm refraining from calling them friends) found out... I was judged and misunderstood.
When I was about 20 I told my mum. She was distraught. I tried to explain to her when I got into such hysterics from sadness, guilt and pain that this was the only thing that could calm me down. She always tried to understand and understood why I did it I guess...but she never understood exactly how I could do that to myself, or the full extent to why I did it and why I thought it helped me. I did it for two reasons:
1. To calm me down; and
2. To punish myself.
I've went on quite a few 'dry spells' when I would not harm myself. And now, 10 years on, I haven't harmed myself about about a year. I still get the urges but I found other things (healthier things) to help alleviate my sadness and calm me down. I draw. Drawing is the only other thing that can calm me down when I am extremely anxious and depressed. And the funny thing is too, that I can only draw good when I am in such moods. I draw depressing pictures which tries to represent how I am feeling.
I often look at my scars (most have faded now though) as a reminder of what I have been through, and how I survived through such tough times.
So I guess what I'm saying here is that if you self-harm, you are not alone. I understand how you feel and why you feel the need to do it. But know that there is another way. And if you can't figure out what that is yet, you will. It will take such strength and will power to overcome, but you can do it. If I can, you can. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. And don't go too far, because your life is precious. Even if you can't see that right now.
Much love to whoever reads this