girlfriend's self harming again
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girlfriend's self harming again

This is a discussion on girlfriend's self harming again within the Self-Harm forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; my girlfriend's started self harming again when she feels overwhelmed. i dont know what to do anymore. my life is ...

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Old 11-04-13, 01:43 AM   #1
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Default girlfriend's self harming again

my girlfriend's started self harming again when she feels overwhelmed. i dont know what to do anymore. my life is 80 times more fucked than hers, so i cant give her any advice.

what should i do
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Old 11-04-13, 04:52 AM   #2
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I've never really seen self harm as something that you can offer much support with. I prefer to take the approach of offering some words of caution and then leaving it be. The risk of infection is there, so I would ask that a self harmer at least consider that and take appropriate precautions. If they feel that they absolutely must self harm then they should at least make sure that anything used is sterilised and that any injuries are kept clean and tended to. Most people who self harm would not want to get some awful blood or skin infection that could involve untold agony or even death. I would also throw in a word about scarring, because whilst it may not matter right now it could well matter later down the line and you can't reverse these things.

The only way to deal with self harm is to deal with the issue underlying it. Those could be complex and deep rooted. You are arguably not best placed to take on such issues, as you have identified yourself. If you can steer her in the direction of counselling or medical intervention then great. Ultimately, though, it's her decision to make and she is responsible for her own life. Nothing suggests that she is not in control of her faculties.

The one thing I would add to this is that, whilst I understand what you were saying, you shouldn't make comparisons between your situation and hers. Whilst one situation can be much worse than another it does not mean that the feelings around those situations will be proportional to the situations themselves. One person may feel a lot worse about a much smaller situation and, being as depression is about psychology and not physical reality, the intensity of feeling is as often as important as the cause of those feelings.
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Old 11-07-13, 11:35 PM   #3
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I am not an advocate for self harm... i probably have many regrets of my own, more than i could say. But for what its worth, it would be in everyones least intrests to get her to stop... for now. I only say this because if shes started self harming AGAIN, i asume she relapsed. And depending how long she was clean for would determine the action needed. Self harm is a way of coping, and just like people who turn to drugs or alcohol to escape, self harmers do the same, and it has the potential to become an addiction. (of course not saying self harm is the same as drugs, but it still marks and hurts the body some way).

She is not in any danger as far as i can tell, so you have a change to maybe work through your issues, and then maybe help her. I've learned that Im better helping others who are messed up when im the same, no matter if i have issues on that day. Maybe you have the strength to help her, and she might help you. It would be wise to get her to see a counciller, but unless she wants to stop self harming, its not going to be effective.
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Old 04-28-20, 12:30 PM   #4
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Just because you or anyone has a more severe trauma does not invalidate the trauma she has gone through.
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