I've dealt with depression for most of my life that I can remember and although it's been a frequent thought, it was usually only passing and I never seriously considered doing it. But very recently something happened. I was just lying in bed, feeling mostly depressed, a little anxious, trying to get into the job application process but it started to overwhelm me and I just gave up. As I lay there, thinking about it, it started to stress me out and then out of nowhere, I started punching myself repeatedly in the head. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. When I finally stopped, it freaked me out because it was so far out of my control but since then I've felt the growing urge to do it again and have started almost instinctively going into these methods and others and I have no understanding of what is going on. I can control it now but I don't seem to want to, it just kind of shows up whenever I feel stressed or particularly down on myself. I'm just wondering if anyone who's been dealing with self harm may have a better understanding of how all of this works.