Don't know why this is happening
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Don't know why this is happening

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Old 10-29-16, 05:53 PM   #1
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I've dealt with depression for most of my life that I can remember and although it's been a frequent thought, it was usually only passing and I never seriously considered doing it. But very recently something happened. I was just lying in bed, feeling mostly depressed, a little anxious, trying to get into the job application process but it started to overwhelm me and I just gave up. As I lay there, thinking about it, it started to stress me out and then out of nowhere, I started punching myself repeatedly in the head. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. When I finally stopped, it freaked me out because it was so far out of my control but since then I've felt the growing urge to do it again and have started almost instinctively going into these methods and others and I have no understanding of what is going on. I can control it now but I don't seem to want to, it just kind of shows up whenever I feel stressed or particularly down on myself. I'm just wondering if anyone who's been dealing with self harm may have a better understanding of how all of this works.
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Old 10-30-16, 07:14 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by TheOutsider View Post
I've dealt with depression for most of my life that I can remember and although it's been a frequent thought, it was usually only passing and I never seriously considered doing it. But very recently something happened. I was just lying in bed, feeling mostly depressed, a little anxious, trying to get into the job application process but it started to overwhelm me and I just gave up. As I lay there, thinking about it, it started to stress me out and then out of nowhere, I started punching myself repeatedly in the head. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. When I finally stopped, it freaked me out because it was so far out of my control but since then I've felt the growing urge to do it again and have started almost instinctively going into these methods and others and I have no understanding of what is going on. I can control it now but I don't seem to want to, it just kind of shows up whenever I feel stressed or particularly down on myself. I'm just wondering if anyone who's been dealing with self harm may have a better understanding of how all of this works.
Im so sorry you are dealing with this. The causes of self-injury are complex, but underneath it all the person usually feels emotional pain that is difficult to express in words. In his book Cutting, mental health expert Steven Levenkron describes the self-injurer as “someone who has found that physical pain can be a cure for emotional pain.” Do you have someone that is understanding that you can talk to about your struggles?
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Old 10-30-16, 01:06 PM   #3
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Thanks for the response, It would make sense that it has to do with being unable to express the pain in other words, seeing as how I physically can't show emotion or even cry anymore. There's no one in my life that I can talk to. I've been completely alone for years now.
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