Bruised myself again...
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Bruised myself again...

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Old 06-27-15, 03:41 AM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2012
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Default Bruised myself again...

I self harm in certain areas so people can't see it. I rarely bruise since I've done it a lot over the years. Back when I was a teenager, I tried to stop self harming. I just stopped caring about the potential consequences during the last 6 years...

It's not something I do to "feel" something or because I feel I deserve to suffer. It's hard to explain, some stimuli or situations overwhelm me and hurting myself helps cope with them when I can no longer handle them. I'd rather not get into the specific situations... That would trigger some old horrible thoughts and I'm ashamed of it anyway.

I did it twice today. I've got a big bruise but people probably won't notice, at least i hope they won't. It hurts a bit but it should be fine soon enough. Nothing that'll leave a mark for long. Hadn't really ever done that but I kinda did it impulsively anyway.

I always feel so pathetic afterwards. It's just one of many ways I am a freak. I hate being one but there's nothing that can be done about it.

Last edited by Legolas; 07-05-15 at 03:25 AM.
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Old 06-27-15, 10:22 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Dear lucid lunacy: First of all, you are not a freak. You are a person with pain and painful emotions that you are understandably trying to manage.

I really like how you stood up for yourself and protected yourself by telling us you don't want to get into specifics about your experiences of self-harming. Of course you have every right to withhold information that is too personal to share. I admire you for doing that - that depicts strength to me.

When I was a little child, I'd self harm too and then wearing long sleeved shirts so no one would ask me what I had done and call me crazy. The physical pain helped me feel calm when I had big emotions/stresses that I couldn't handle.

In my teen and young adult years, I depended on alcohol to deal with my feelings. But then I finally got into counselling, and spent the past 20 years in and out of counselling offices. Each time I go in, I do some digging, then I take a break until I'm ready for the next round.

It has really helped. I haven't self harmed with physical violence or alcohol dependency for about 10 years now.

So my dear, I hope you can think about some options for some support and healing for yourself. You deserve to be happy and calm!

Last edited by Legolas; 07-05-15 at 03:26 AM.
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