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Addicted to self harm

This is a discussion on Addicted to self harm within the Self-Harm forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; i have tried to kill myself twice and both the times it was a half-hearted attempt. i now wish if ...

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Old 04-30-17, 02:30 PM   #21
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i have tried to kill myself twice and both the times it was a half-hearted attempt. i now wish if i could have pressed a little deeper or a little harder. or if could just have done some serious damage that could have killed me. but thats just wishful thinking.

But to be honest, i kinda like to cut. i think that its the only thing these days that calms me down. i like to see the blood and feel the pain. i think i sound like a psychopath. and sometimes i think that maybe i am one. i think that hurting myself is just a coping mechanism for me. but once a cutter, always a cutter. even if you stop cutting, you will miss it. i like cutting because i think i deserve it. its just i am trapped here and my family cant see that. its like .... i dont know whats it like. i really cant describe it. its like i cut and harm myself to feel better in my own skin.

i dont have a bad personality or anything, but the i do have an unquiet mind. the thoughts, ideas and any random stuff that i see in day to day life keep on crashing into each other. its like i keep on thinking. i can actually feel my mind going about and doing the thinking. this is the very reason that i am a very opinionated person.
i dont think anybody can do anything. thanks though.
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Old 05-02-17, 01:38 PM   #22
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I just can't stop myself. I am tired and feel numb. I have eaten nothing since the past 12 hours and my head is buzzing. My hands itch to feel the pain. It's like I can't stop. I need to feel. Even if it is only for a few minutes. The thing is that the non-cutters do not realise how difficult it is to quit. Because somewhere in the back of your dark mind you know that you deserve it. PS I don't know if I should be saying this or not, but I like the pain and blood. And the feeling while it lasts.
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Old 05-02-17, 04:23 PM   #23
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That is really bad. Can't you see someone face to face about this, please? I mean not therapist or doctor or shrink, just someone you can talk to? Sometime it can help if you talk to a complete stranger... maybe.
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Last edited by Enddays; 05-02-17 at 04:25 PM.
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Old 05-07-17, 11:37 PM   #24
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Thanks for all the support, Enddays. But I think we both know that the real life is more fucked up than we are. And I don't think anybody can help me. I think I am at a point of no return.
Sometimes I have these thoughts about like what if I want to go through with this ? What if I want this to happen to me? What if i want to end my life ? I don't think anyone can help me there. It's just the way it is. Nothing anyone can do anything about. Thanks though.
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Old 05-08-17, 12:32 AM   #25
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You are right, life is indeed more fucked up than we are. And life is what fucked us up in the first place.
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Old 05-09-17, 02:35 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enddays View Post
You are right, life is indeed more fucked up than we are. And life is what fucked us up in the first place.
It's a vicious circle, no one can ever get out of. Helpless as the seaweed in the ocean.
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Old 05-18-17, 01:16 PM   #27
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i am at a loss. my mind is a mess and so is my body. i wish i could stop but i really cant. i need the pain to feel once in a while. none of my parents know that i still hurt myself and they had freak out if they ever got to know. i just cant handle the anxiety. and i need the release immediately, then and there. i seriously dont know what to do. Family is next to no help.
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