I feel like shit and too tired to do anything. Just the thought of getting up in the morning makes me nauseous. But never the less I wake up and get through the day harming myself. I have the things all the time with me and I feel anxious if I leave them behind. It doesn't matter where, when ...just the feeling of relieve is what that matters. And that only to some extant. Sometimes I think that I little more effort, a little more force, a little more patience and i had cross the line. The hope that the "other side" will be peaceful is a thing to look forward to. The harming of my body myself makes me feel worthless and I cant help think that I am assisting in the destruction of my own self. But that's kinda calming too.
I don't know what to think. All these thoughts, ideas, all the voices in my head just want to lash out. I had like to shut myself in my room and rot there. I think that I am already dead. Sometimes I am paranoid that when I will harm myself, my blood will be black. Like a foliage thats gone bad. I think that every thing inside me is already dead. So I don't see a point in continuing life.