This is my first post ever on anything, but I just feel I need to speak out for once. Any replies to this would be great. I am 37 years old. I have no children, I live in the same house I grew up in and I have no partner to love me for me. I have two non-dependent family members who love me, and are the only reason I keep living. I love them, and I'm so afraid that as they are something I love, I will lose them too.

In my work, I perform my duties to an audience every weekend, most are quite pleasant people but, when I have individual conversations, I instantly see awkwardness to their expression. I can say something quite innocuous, just a pleasantry at the end of a conversation like 'take care' and I often get a snigger, or a snort of derision from them.

The thing is, I don't see what other people must see. I am 5'8 Ins tall, slim, ok looking. I have average intelligence and I don’t smell! So what am I doing wrong. I never go out of my way to hurt or upset people but they always seem to be repulsed by me. People who were once friendly, now to seem to throw dirty looks at me and avoid me at all costs. I am ignored or snapped at by these people for no reason. I now despise interacting with people. I avoid eye contact, or any sort of interaction. Even when I seem to be having a cheerful day, I will come across one of those repulsed expressions from a shop assistant, or a dismissive snigger from a passing girl


I have no belief in god anymore as, out of desperation, I have prayed countless times for his help, only to be met with more of the same. But I am starting to believe that something is in control of my destiny, something horrible that wants nothing but misfortune in my life.


I have tried so hard to succeed in my working life too, but despite my tenacity everything I do goes unnoticed, even-though looking at my skills logically, I'm pretty good at what I do. I paint, sing, act, and do voiceover work. But whatever I send out to people, agents and casting companies, no matter what I do, I get very little or no response. . Practically nothing for 25 years since I started. As a result I have absolutely no confidence in any of my abilities anymore

I am fully aware that other people have much worse lives that me, but I feel it is such a waste of life, if any potential I have just wont be fulfilled. I don't see a way out because life has proven to me that no matter what I do, there isn't any direction I could take, no path I could follow that could lead to even the slightest success. I am thinking more about ending it all for good but I'm a stubborn old mule and wont go down with out a bloody good fight. But I am worried that one day, there will be that fatal straw that breaks this mules back.

Please don't let the actions of others affect you. Just keep being you! No matter where we go in life we always find people who don't like us no matter what we do or how nice we are. I've had occasions where people are repulsed by me or don't like me. I just move on and avoid them sometimes too. It's their problem not yours. I hope this helps.

Thanks for your reply. It makes me feel better to know there are some decent people out there :)

Anytime!!!

Yes it is possible to be hated just for being you. I'm hated just for being me for a variety of reasons. For example Africans see me as lazy whereas African Americans see me as racist. I'm also promiscuous in a way so I'm hated for that. I'm atheist and get interrogated for that as in "Why don't you believe in God?" There are many ways I'm hated for being me. For me, the best thing to do is to be a hermit.

Some people should be hated just for being themselves. Simon Cowell is an irredeemable arsehole who will be one of the first against the wall when I become King. You don't sound like an arsehole.

Sometimes the only way to keep on going is by wilfully becoming a little bit deaf and blind -- refuse to hear/see some of the stuff that hurts and takes away your self-confidence. Just discard some of the insults or lack of good feedback.

You'll be tempted to critique yourself by using that bad feedback, but don't! Try filtering what you listen to, for awhile. After all, you're in performing arts, and your self-esteem needs to be protected since it's kind of like your fuel. ......Not to mention that you deserve to live and work somewhere that people are civil -- and kind.

I know how you feel, I get the impression that most people dislike me and I would like to know why, what the f*** is wrong with me, I feel sorry for people who have to get stuck with me on a night out or beside me I know they don't want to be there. I hate myself so much

Deano75, I don't know but it seems to me like you might want to seek some counselling about this since it's possible you are giving some kind of body language signal or other subtle signal that is actually unpleasant. Or perhaps some assertiveness training? I agree not to let others' opinion upset you, but if it's *everyone* then perhaps there is something going on. I'm sure it's not you (as in who you are), but perhaps some kind of social cue or ??? For instance standing with your arms crossed all the time, frowning, etc (I'm not saying these are the signals, just perhaps something similar). Check out Amy Pohler's Ted talk on body language.

A lot of people would say I'm ugly (except they wouldn't dare lol) and I am overweight, but I don't get treated like that. Most people are polite to me, or friendly if I initiate conversation. Not everyone, and sure, I can sometimes tell if someone's scornful of how I look, but it's fairly rare. Your situation sounds a bit more to me than just people being people.

((((((weirdo)))))). What if you had an identical twin. What do you think that person (who would love you), would tell you about yourself? Try to see yourself through that person's eyes. EVERYONE deserves love and respect, including you.