Hi, I’m brand new to this forum and have been reading a lot of people’s posts looking for similar problems to mine and seeing if i can maybe offer some help too.
I am actually struggling to put what my problem is into one concise well explained little post but my mind jumps from one issue to another. It’s like it’s not just one thing, it’s a collection of things others may find trivial but altogether they’re getting me down.
I suffer from anxiety which can be crippling at times and lets small problems get bigger, for example, I can get a letter regarding car insurance renewal, I’ll know the new charge is too high and I’ll also know that I can get it cheaper elsewhere but because I avoid making phone calls I’ll just let it roll over, this happens regarding ending mobile phone contracts etc and it’s not like I have a lot of money, I just stress too much and bury my head in the sand. Another example of this is that I really need to get myself to a dentist, I have done for ages but I can’t face making the appointment and also the appointment itself, I’m not scared of dentists, just the situation. There are loads of examples of this, I’m rambling and probably haven’t even picked the most relevant ones.
This makes going out and socialising difficult too, I spend around four days worrying and panicking in the lead up to a social event, I only really go out if it’s a special occasion, births, marriages and deaths. I also have alopecia which has ravaged what little self confidence I had.
Just a few days ago my girlfriend of two years and I split up, I’ll miss her company for sure but we weren’t right for each other and I accept that, there were a lot of reasons but a major one is because she’s a social butterfly and I dread going out. I’m happier walking my dog in a forest than I am drinking in a nightclub.
Anyway, at the start of the year I forced myself to join a gym and have been sporadically going, my anxiety and low moods do get the better of me and I avoid it sometimes.
I have read so many posts, self help guides, wellness threads but nothing seems to be the plan of action for me, I want that one bit of advice that seems like I was meant to read it, like it’s the info my brain was missing, I want to train my mind to believe I can be ok and achieve some of the things I’d like from life, I want to get fitter, lose a chunk of weight, be able to sleep at night, be an adult and take care of my own affairs, the ablilty to socialise would be nice. I worry that I’ll be single for a very long time as I hardly ever go out but Im the kind of person who likes being in a relationship and I’m not getting any younger which also stresses me out. I haven’t been single for a huge amount of time since i was a young guy so I don’t really know how to be just me, I know I have to be on my own for a while as I want to sort myself out but I hope it’s not for too long and that’s not being disrespectful to my ex, she’s already using dating apps which I know as my friend saw her on it just yesterday.
I’m thinking if I can get myself fit I’ll have a shade more confidence to go out, sure the alopecia will still be there but i have to work on the things I can change and not the things I can’t. Before the alopecia my confidence was slightly better, I’ve never been full of self esteem but I definitely was more comfortable in my own skin, I had a full beard and I have tattoos, not everyone’s cup of tea but for a while I felt like my look was on point and actually got compliments, not something I’m used to, and I know it’s shallow but for once I felt pretty alright about myself, I’ve been awkward in every way since I was a kid and finally felt this was my time to be normal!!!! Then as luck would have it alopecia hit me, and where? Mainly my face, beard and eyebrows, I lost around 80% of my facial hair, not evenly either so as I could salvage some kind of beard/stubble, just random huge baby smooth patches. I hadn’t been clean shaven for around 15 years, hadn’t seen my full face since I was in my teens, it was a shocker, like someone else’s face, it completely broke me, I lost my style and sense of identity. My self image was shot.
It’s not fully came back now but after a few years of this I’ve leaned to deal with it (to an extent)
I realise after typing all this it’s more of a vent than a question, however any advice regarding how to create more positive thoughts, achieve peace of mind and actually be able to switch off my brain at night so as I can rest would be greatly appreciated.
I’m sorry for going on, i realise I ramble so so much 😩