How old do I look now, really?
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How old do I look now, really?

This is a discussion on How old do I look now, really? within the Self-Esteem forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I aged rapidly due to physical, mental, and emotional trauma. At first I thought I just looked liked crap...like I ...

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Old 05-22-17, 07:18 AM   #1
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I aged rapidly due to physical, mental, and emotional trauma. At first I thought I just looked liked crap...like I hadn't slept in years...but, no, I have gotten the hint out in public enough times that I now appear way older than I did before. I get called ma'am right and left (miss to ma'am in under six months...so basically overnight), and almost never get asked to present id.

To some this might sound like a vanity issue, but trust me it is anything but! I feel like my life force was sucked out of me and that a zombie corpse is what has been left behind. It has seriously been messing with my mind. I have some pretty hardcore depersonalization/derealization issues because of this. It is tough to remember the real me.

I have been wanting for years now to ask one of the many who do not think to id me or think that calling me ma'am makes perfect sense....how old I look to them. My family refuses to tell me...they always attempt to dodge the question. For my own peace of mind I need to finally know what I am truly dealing with.

What would be a nonthreatening way of asking a perfect stranger such a question??
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Old 05-22-17, 04:02 PM   #2
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Chat to them about other stuff then gradually work round to discussing both your and their ages?
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Old 05-23-17, 05:00 PM   #3
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Could give that a go....

I definitely don't want to come across as rude to the other person. I spent 5 yrs in customer service. Usually I would call any woman over 30 ma'am...didn't really know how else to address them and actually thought of myself as polite for doing so. Got a good deal of nasty glares from some of these ladies. They clearly did not appreciate it. At that point in time I didn't understand why they were getting upset with me...actually ticked me off that they were. I have experience now with being on both sides of the fence, and I don't want to act as they did...all angry and confrontational. I want to know finally, but yah, need to ask in a casual sort of way. Thank you for the suggestion, midnightphoenix ;)
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Old 08-08-17, 12:05 AM   #4
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I know it sounds corny, but at fairs and carnivals, they have places that they try to guess things, including your age ...

What might be better is seeing a doctor to see if there are health issues involved.
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Old 10-02-17, 11:24 AM   #5
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@misumena==age should be just a number...if someone calls you maam does that hurt your self confidence in a way?trauma causes lots of drama we do not want to feel,and still it can be inflicted upon us the way we have lead our past?just think that a lot of people overlook the fact that they see you old,but inside you're younger then they assume or think you feel yourself...is it your consciousness which tells you?why people look at me as being old...it's nobody's business then your own..just yesterday i was watching a television program of a woman of 54 who barely leaves her house since she looks old==wrinkles etc...complexes,guilt feelings,depressions follow up...finally she went for a facelift(ahah)listen..I am of a blessed age,and i have the good luck that people tell me that i look 20 years younger then i really am...i bet i agree withmidnightphoenix here...just talk about age and joke about it..unless it's too deep rooted for yourself and creates problems..if i meet people i usually do not discuss age..
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Old 10-20-17, 11:02 AM   #6
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tigerlover,

While I appreciate your taking the time to respond to my post, I need to advise you on something. When someone is explaining an issue that is distressing for them...enough to cause them a great deal of pain, please refrain from humble bragging. Your mentioning that you are young looking still and grateful for this gift is basically equal to someone listening to a you talking about a problem that you are having and saying "well, I don't deal with that, so...lucky me! but hope everything works out for you." No offense truly taken, but again, it is slightly rude and not helpful in most situations. Hope there are no hard feelings. I know you meant well.
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Old 10-21-17, 01:37 AM   #7
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@misumena...i see your point..i am sorry you see this as bragging..it certainly was not...i was just expressing how i feel,not how you feel...if you consider it rude i do offer you my apologies..tigerlover
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Old 10-21-17, 09:41 AM   #8
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Sorry if I came across as rude myself, tigerlover :(

Sometimes it is difficult to determine the true meaning behind typed words. We are at a disadvantage communicating this way. Much can be misconstrued. I may have not understood fully what you were actually saying to me.
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Old 10-23-17, 10:26 AM   #9
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you did not come across rude towards me at all,misumena..
i do agree that sometimes i also have misread certain postings in forums...
English is not my mother tongue,believe it or not==sometimes i have to look up words in a dictionary..
it's gonna be O.K...and I rather appreciate someone who tells me how she/he feels straightforward in my face...
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Old 10-26-17, 09:35 AM   #10
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