Feeling horrible about myself in every way...
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Life's Other Challenges > Self-Esteem


Feeling horrible about myself in every way...

This is a discussion on Feeling horrible about myself in every way... within the Self-Esteem forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I'm a 30 year old female veterinarian and have been practicing for around 3 years. Recently I've been feeling worse ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-22-18, 07:42 PM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1
Unhappy Feeling horrible about myself in every way...

I'm a 30 year old female veterinarian and have been practicing for around 3 years. Recently I've been feeling worse and worse about myself in pretty much every way possible - looks, personality, intelligence, etc...

To start, I look pretty young for my age (people think I'm around 20), and I get a lot of comments from my clients saying how young I look or even that I "look too young to be a doctor". As soon as I get those types of comments, I instantly feel like I have to start "proving" myself and trying harder, which just ends up in me being awkward and making myself even less credible. My staff (technicians) also tend to bring up any mistakes I may make (I've caught them looking at my records and then telling me that I didn't write something that I said I did, like they're trying to find something I did wrong). I'm fairly socially awkward and so a lot of the things I say get made fun of or are taken the wrong way, which makes me MORE socially awkward :(

In addition to this, I'm becoming more self-conscious about my looks as I get older. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome - this makes me lose hair on my scalp, grow excessive hair on my face, and causes acne. I have to spend an exorbitant amount of time each day on facial hair removal. I also really can't do much with my hair because I have thinning spots around my hairline and on top of it I have a large forehead so I really don't ever wear my hair back. I just in general really am not happy with the way I look, and feel helpless to do anything about it. My partner and I have been together for over 3 years and I still don't believe her when she tells me I'm beautiful - I just don't see it. And I always feel insecure if she has friends who are girls because I just feel like one day she'll leave me for someone who is more attractive, especially if my hair continues to fall out.

Lastly, all throughout my life people have not really liked me. I've always had a hard time making friends because I'm fairly reserved and don't open up easily - it's just part of who I am - and people think I'm a snob because of this. So in addition to all my other issues, I have basically no friends (my partner and I have another couple we are friends with, but I have ZERO of my own friends). I would love to be able to get coffee or take a yoga class with a friend, but I have no one. I can't make friends at work because it's a very small company and I'm not really comfortable with being friends with my coworkers outside of work anyway. I feel pretty lonely because of this.

Pretty much the only thing about myself that I feel good about is my intelligence. I graduated veterinary school with almost a 4.0, and I know deep down that I'm a good doctor. But lately with people making fun of me, telling me I look too young, etc, it has really taken a hit on my ego because it's like the ONE thing I feel good about is being belittled. I want to practice self-love, but don't know how when I literally have nothing to feel good about...I used to think I was generally a happy person, but I definitely feel myself falling into depression at this point and don't know how to stop it.
ABVET is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-18, 07:00 AM   #2
TTL Bronze Member
 
SensualGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 6,610
My Mood:
Default

If you don't like yourself, people won't like you either or you won't be a friend to people. You need self esteem. You deserve it! You have a successful practice.

This is a perfect example of why self esteem can't be earned. It must be built from within, regardless of where you are in life. Even if you're homeless, you must love yourself. What if you start failing? You must be prepared for that by learning to love yourself in advance.

I recommend positive self talk and a gratitude journal to start. I also recommend philosophy, religion, politics, something to have a label beyond "I'm a veterinarian" i.e. "I'm a proud lesbian homebody?" Your job is not "who you are." Who are you? This should be your True North that will follow you with the ups and downs of life.

You sound like a great gal!
__________________
High hopes faint on a warm hearth stone; she travels the fastest who travels alone.
SensualGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-18, 07:09 AM   #3
Member
 
tigerlover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: i am in Europe(Belgium)
Posts: 595
My Mood:
Default

in the first place welcome here...always good to see new members saying how they feel..i think this is a forum where people can tell HOW they feel without any shame,your posting==feeling not good about looks is a very common thing++we all go for a look so that people comment===hey...you look nice...recently i got some skin problems directly in my face,more rosacea related maybe...i feel conscious,but...i am taking care about it and i am optimistic about the cure i follow,unguents etc..you say acne,hair loss troubles you?i can get into that if it really becomes a matter of your own self esteem..if your partner tells you that she finds you beautiful you should believe her and accept the boost up..self love is O.K to practice as long one does not become a narcist...my ex gf in the U.K had ecxess hair growth under her chin=she was extremeley conscious of it and every morning i saw her with a mirror removing tiny little hair growth..it was barely noticeable but in her eyes it was a huge problem..in my village there is a woman who suffered from alopecia and she had a big bald spot on the back of her head==she went for a wig and she's a happy woman full of self confidence now...stopping a depression is not easy once it starts..believe in your girlfriend and tell yourself you're winning self confidence...you got a whole life in front of you....
__________________
**Clouds come floating in my life,no longer to carry rain or usher storm,but to add colour to my sunset sky**

Last edited by tigerlover; 02-23-18 at 07:13 AM.
tigerlover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-18, 03:26 AM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 668
My Mood:
Default

30 is a breaking point for many people. Age is creeping on, things get reevaluated, life changes, looks changes and etc.

You need to grow some thick skin. I am not saying to be rude, but put people in their places, where they belong. Is it their job to check what you wrote or what mistakes you did? If it's not, you don't owe an explanation but a nice comment, that it's none of their business of course after thanking them for catching you making a mistake with a smile on your face.

It seems like it's time for you to get out of your comfort zone...
__________________
The essence of life is growth.

The world isn't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place. And I don't care how tough you are, it'll beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You'll be a nobody. It's going to hit as hard as life. But it's not about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward...

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
InSearchOfPeople is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-18, 08:24 AM   #5
TTL Bronze Member
 
SensualGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 6,610
My Mood:
Default

How do you learn to put people in their places?
__________________
High hopes faint on a warm hearth stone; she travels the fastest who travels alone.
SensualGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-18, 10:31 PM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 668
My Mood:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SensualGirl View Post
How do you learn to put people in their places?
By practicing I think. May be sometimes we can observe those that are more tough or in the positions of an authority and see how they do it.

I believe it's possible to do it in a nice manner. For example, in this particular case, she could have said to those technicians something like "thanks for catching my mistake, now make sure you don't do any on your part". And then when they do it, she could say "spend more time on avoiding mistakes on your part, than watching what I am doing". That's just my 2 cents in it.

Some people (many) when feel the person is nice and soft on the inside, will push the boundaries or cross them all together, like in this case. Being technicians, I suppose, they are underneath of the vet doc. They have no authority to go through her stuff and check for mistakes, it should be the other way around.
__________________
The essence of life is growth.

The world isn't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place. And I don't care how tough you are, it'll beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You'll be a nobody. It's going to hit as hard as life. But it's not about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward...

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
InSearchOfPeople is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-18, 04:50 AM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 625
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by InSearchOfPeople View Post

I believe it's possible to do it in a nice manner. For example, in this particular case, she could have said to those technicians something like "thanks for catching my mistake, now make sure you don't do any on your part". And then when they do it, she could say "spend more time on avoiding mistakes on your part, than watching what I am doing". That's just my 2 cents in it.
I didn't quite know how to answer, but I definitely agree with this. To the OP, figuratively speaking, you have to handle people at work with a heavy hand. Learn how to do this and practice it over and over. Subtle differences in your communication can cause big changes in how people interact with you. Don't think you're mean when you are being assertive either. You're just asserting your authority as you should.

I don't always like people. If I had to be in an occupation where I am constantly interacting with people that I am supposed to lead and customers, I would emotionally collapse and soon. It would be really hard for me. I sympathize. Don't let these issues affect your confidence.
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because in the end those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. - Dr. Seuss
EmpatheticThoughts is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-18, 01:06 PM   #8
TTL Bronze Member
 
SensualGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 6,610
My Mood:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by InSearchOfPeople View Post

Some people (many) when feel the person is nice and soft on the inside, will push the boundaries or cross them all together, like in this case.
That's awful. Then isn't it better to just avoid people to begin with?
__________________
High hopes faint on a warm hearth stone; she travels the fastest who travels alone.
SensualGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:56 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2021 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2021 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2