Should I go or should I stay?
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Should I go or should I stay?

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Old 10-18-14, 07:03 AM   #1
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Yesterday I woe up and I realized that I feel sick, my throat was sore, and I decided to go to the doctor. While I was waiting for about 45 minute in the waiting room, I was walking up and down, and I don't know what happened, I suddenly started thinking about my buried ambition to become a doctor...

I wanted to be a doctor originally, but instead of studying for graduation from high school I spent my days having sex with my first bf and couldn't care less about studying for the final tests. My results were still pretty impressive, but just not good enough for the university of medicine.

After my failed application to med uni, I wasted 2 years of my life on becoming a Masseur-therapist, and I realized I hate every little part of it. I told myself that I am happy that I didn't get accepted to the university of edicine, because it would have sucked.

But am I telling myself a lie here? A couple of days ago I met a guy from high school who totally disappointed me and let me down as a friend, and he go accepted to the university, and he is happy and he ... is just so much better off than I am even with the fact that he is a user, and in general not a very nice person.

I think I am jealous. I really am jealous of him. He got my childhood dream, he got good looks, an accepting, caring family, he even has a girlfriend.

While all I have is a life of misery with my anti-gay family, who don't give a care, whatever happens. I'm unhappy and I feel ugly, and misshapen.

I want to get into medical school, I feel this urge to gothere and do it, but I am afraid.

I would need to get a lot of money to do that, which I'm fine with, but job opportunitites are few, and they don't really want to pay you either. I seriouly considered selling myself as a prostitute, or stealing, but I don't think I could live with myself if I sold my body, and thieving is very risky.

Also, I'm 22. By the time I'd finish medical chool I would be 28, and I would have to specialize, which is 5 more years (They pay for that work though)

I don't know, I just feel like I screwed up my life, and that all of it is just this giant fucking mess. I have no-one to love me, and I don't even have the hope to love anymore. All I know is that I want to get out of this cesspool of a country, leave everything behind, and get a fresh start somewhere far away...

I don't know what I want, I guess this is just another vent thread, but I feel really desperate right now.
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Old 10-18-14, 08:14 AM   #2
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I think Dimitri would be the perfect person to address this issue. He's in med school and is also in Eastern Europe.
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Old 10-18-14, 10:20 AM   #3
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Don't worry about how old you'll be when you do this or that, people go to universities at their mid thirties and forties and make their dreams come true, and being 22 years old is no where near too old for med school- or any other school..

I once met a Russian doctor who was an Air Force pilot in his home country, and at some point he decided he wants to be a doctor, so he went to med school, graduated and he was practicing in the US.. I'm guessing he was much, much older than 25 when he made the transition.
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Old 10-18-14, 10:27 AM   #4
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Quote:
I think Dimitri would be the perfect person to address this issue. He's in med school and is also in Eastern Europe.
Maybe, lol.



You didnt wasted anything. You studied massaging people, which, well requires detailed knowing of bones and muscles, even in highschool ( i went to medical highschool) course for massaging people required a lot more studying of anatomy and physiology then my course (for nurse). So you have a good headstart in med uni, right there. I am sure you can get into med uni, just study a lot. I dont know if it is like that where you live, but here for getting into med uni, you need to pass Biology and Chemistry. These are not heavy subjects and if you really give your best, you can pass them easily.

Dont feel jealousy towards your friend, looks - dont matter, beauty lies inside your soul; caring family - many people didnt have this, including me, and trust me, even though it sounds and feels terrible to you, only thing that you gained from that family is strength, it made you much much stronger then any functional family would; and you still can achieve your dream, its never too late.

Just a suggestion from this side, but you could try and work as part-time ummm massager ( not sure if its said like this, sorry, English isnt my native language) (they earn quite nice amount of money i have got to say), as bartender, waiter, and dont prostitute yourself, dont harm your body and soul over money, becuase you can earn money in better ways. Who knows, if you do really good, maybe you get into budget (you get cheaper schooling, for instance in my uni, its 3000€ a year, and i because i am on budget pay 300€ a year).

You have a dream, that is great motivation, chase it, dont let it escape from you.

Hope i helped a bit, dont give up. And trust me, you will find someone to love you.

Best wishes.
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Old 11-10-14, 02:14 AM   #5
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Okay guys I am really sorry I didn't give feedback for such a long time, but all day and night I am thinking about this very topic...

I think I will try to get into medical university, but I am so full of fears and doubts that I am almost paralyzed by them.

The main problem is of course, the money.
If I knew how to speak German, I could apply to medical school in Austria, but I only speak english, which is good for practically nothing. People don't even acknowledge it as an accomplishment anymore, because "everyone speaks english dude, no big deal".

So 1 semester here costs 1 million forints, which is 4000 american dollars.
I have to pay for 5 semesters, that is 20 thousand american dollars.
If I get myself a job, I can make 4 thousand dollars in 1 and a half years. So I'm in trouble.

And that is just one aspect of my worries.
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Old 11-17-14, 12:47 PM   #6
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Old 11-17-14, 01:21 PM   #7
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Sorry i was just unsure on what to say. :(


I hope you will manage somehow, but i dont have any smart ideas. Maybe you could take some quick course through German? Language itself is not too hard. I am sure it can be learned in 1 year. Maybe there is a option to try and get into English section of Austrian medical school? ( if it has one)
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Old 11-17-14, 02:48 PM   #8
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You're very young. You have time to think hard about why you want to be a doctor. When we're teenagers we think about prestige and making people proud. Now it's time to figure out passion.

My family is anti-gay and I'm attracted to women. I can never be in a relationship with a woman unless she was okay with my mom thinking she was just a close friend. I don't see anyone being okay with that.

Oh well. There are good things about my family, many good things.

Focus on the good things you have. Don't buy into the Facebook mentality that everyone is living some glamorous, high-powered life.
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Old 11-18-14, 06:00 AM   #9
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I just spoke to a guy who is a student at the medical university, and he gave me some good pointers.
He even showed me a couple of ways to deal with the money problem.

We discussed at lentgh what options are before me, and I am torn between 2 options.

Option a,
Go to medical university and become a psychiatrist.

Option b,
Study psychology.

Both ideas intrigue me to a fairly equal extent. I can't decide what I want.
On one hand the prestige and the title that comes with being a psychiatrist is very tempting, but it is way harder work and doesn't provide as much self knowledge as I'd like.

On the other hand, psychology is less word-to-word. You use your emotional intelligence, your empathy and your understanding more, you earn lots of self knowledge and in general it is less stressing.

As a psychiatrist I would surely have a job, but I have no idea how succesful a psychologist can be?

I wish I could just do both, but I have to choose and I have only one life.
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Old 11-18-14, 06:22 AM   #10
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Psychologist can also be successful, but its harder, since people have to like you, and amount of charisma that you have to possess is huge. Since many psychologist lose their patients since patients dont like them, or just dont feel like they are helpful. If i were you, i would go for psychiatrist. In the meantime, from uni library, you can always read through some psychology books. That will satisfy your desire for selfknowledge.
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