Hello guys! I'm here because i wanted to share a bit of my experience with medschool.

I went to this college because i was interested of medicine since i was a kid, but i started to think i was in love only with the idea because i haven't read or learnt anything. It was always a game of "you'll learn that later, you don't have to stress now with it".
I grew up and finally the admission exam came, but i failed. Next year i passed it. I got into medschool and the first semester was ok. I was happy, i had friends there, i studied more or less, i was able to manage that. When the second semester of the 1st year came everything went out of control. I lost my friends because a good friend and I tried to get in a relationship and it didn't work as planned, i was lonely, sad, i failed an exam, my parents went nuts.

Anyways, the second year came and things got better until the last exam session when i failed an exam (again) and the other i passed with low grades.
Now, the second session is coming and i am very anxious and i feel stupid and i want to study, but the courses are a mess, just some pdf's with a lot of information throwed there and i don't know where i should study from to make my study sessions more nicer.

Everything is so disorganized and it's very dificult for me to organize since i have no idea about what they are talking about. I mean, if it was about a book or two books and they tell me, look, you have to study from here, it would be something, but everything it's a mess and it's damn difficult for me to sort things out.

Apparently, a lot of my coleagues can do that, can get big grades because they study during the year. I also tried to study during the year but it's not that easy, i mean, i can't always just study and i can't keep up with lessons.
Because of the lack of organizing i feel like i don't want to do anything, i feel stupid and i don't even want to begin.
Everybody says i'm lazy, but i'm not sure it's 100% that. I mean, when it's something i enjoy i do it for hours, but i don't enjoy my lessons. I mean, if i study from some material from the internet everything makes sense, but i can't study from there, because there are some stuff that we can find in our courses or less stuff.

I don't know..it's a mess. Or maybe i'm a mess. Dunno. I just want to study and to love what i learn..but..even when i study it seems that i don't get bigger grades..i don't know..

Well if I may say so I think you have done brilliantly to get into med school in the first place. YOu are i'd guess young, maybe you havent got to that age ( which I found does arrive) when you are ready and able. or maybe you are too depressed to concentrate, its hard pushing when you feel apathetic for instance, I would say I would deal with any depression you might have then try and study.