I'm from Australia and attend an Australian Medical School. I'm enrolled in my first year in the school (6 year course) and I am struggling MAJORLY.
Gone are the high school days of sitting down at a table + 2 hours reading later going to school and smashing A+s in tests.. my mid year exam results were a C and a B in the subjects that mattered, with the cohort average being around a A/B band.. I'm counted as one of the poorest ranking students in my ENTIRE COHORT. Now that I have started studying extremely hard the last two weeks (in prep for end of year exams 90 days away) I have found myself going through a variety of emotions.. the constant nagging at the back of my mind as to whether I will ever make it as a doctor.. whether I will ever be able to strut around a hospital and save lives.. HALF THE THINGS we learn in first year is not even relevant to my dream specialty (general practice).. what's worse is that I have no idea what is going on in anatomy/histology both key subjects in the first 3 years of med school. All my class mates seem to be sailing just fine and I've been emailing and catching up with staff from all disciplines to identify where I'm struggling - something that I have NEVER EVER had to go through before..
Here comes the scary part.. failing any two years of med school results in expulsion. That means if worst comes to worst and I'm halfway through my degree I'd be kicked out $30000 in debt with NO RECOGNITION of my life spent wasted in dissecting labs/pouring over textbooks/missing out on family time.. I'm not even sure why I am struggling.. true I took first half of year a bit too easily but now I feel as though I'm so inferior to the rest of my cohort and feeling as though maybe I should see a psychiatrist and just get mocked or something.. I never thought it would reach this stage.. half the content I'm learning doesn't even interest me.. all I want to is HELP patients why do I have learn all about the muscle insertions of the upper/lower limb or the vetebrae segment x viscera relates to when I only want to become a GP.. I understand surface anatomy of the digestive/respiratory system OK that has some clinical relevance but WHY ALL THIS USELESS INFORMATION. I'm not too sure if this is the path I want to take anymore.. it feels as though all I go to med school these days is to get wrecked by white girls in group discussions who somehow seem to know everything about love, life, and medicine..
Ughh the constant feelings of inferiority ticking at the back of my mind and worrying about the future.. I'm seriously thinking about transferring to law - after all reading and writing is something that I've always been good at but the employment prospects/waste associated with ditching a medical degree for a law degree is something my parents constantly hound me over.. I feel so trapped.. sometimes it seems like living life as a ski trainer as one of my friends does and earning $40k a year is so much more worth than the BS and stress that I have to go through...
I guess I wouldn't feel as bad if the rest of my cohort is going through the same phase as me but they are serious prodigies of a superhuman race or something.. I'm definitely in the bottom 15 students out of a 150 STRONG COHORT.. I'm seriously depressed and really don't what to do anymore.. I want to take a year off after this year and travel the world.. but ah that doesn't sort anything out.