The college years... they're supposed to be the best years of a person's life, but for me they have been the worst.
I've been in and out of school for almost 5 years now. I dropped out twice because of depression. All of my acquaintances from high school are now graduating, finding work in their fields, and moving out on their own. They all had the stereotypical college experience... lots of drinking, partying, hookups, friends, relationships and personal growth. I never had any of that.
During my time at university, all I did was commute to and from school, struggle to stay awake during lectures, and work my ass off studying everyday. I never had any kind of social life whatsoever because I was crippled with social anxiety. It was the most miserable time period of my life and I have nothing to show for it because I kept switching majors and dropping out. My life has been at a standstill ever since I finished high school. I didn't grow much as a person or have any new experiences. It hurts so much to think what a waste all these years have been. I can't describe how much regret and resentment I feel over it.
Now I'm considering going back but I'm afraid of repeating it all again. My parents think it is unhealthy for me to just stay at home and do nothing, and I agree with them. The only other option I have is to find a job, but I don't really want to do that either. I don't want to be stuck at a low paying dead-end job with no opportunities for a social life.
The problem with me going back to school is that I don't know what to study. If I go into something that I'm not interested in, I risk repeating history for the 3rd time. I've already wasted so much of my parent's money. I don't want to go through it again. A few people have advised me to study what I'm passionate about (arts and music), but I don't have any experience and I know that employment prospects for those fields are poor. They don't offer financial security, which is important.
I just don't know what to do. I'll be 23 years old soon and I still have no direction in life. Time is running out. Do I study something practical and push through all the impossibly difficult, tedious bullshit so that I have a chance at getting a decent paying job later on? Even if I hate it? I'm not sure if I'll have the motivation to do that if I don't have a social life to balance things out. Or should I forget about the social aspect, study something I love, and risk being broke and alone? Either way, the future looks grim for me.