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-   -   Oh god, this really does suck. (https://www.takethislife.com/venting/oh-god-really-does-suck-73147/)

FIRELOGS 05-28-12 03:29 AM

Oh god, this really does suck.
 
I'm so sick of feeling this way. I've been "depressed", (we'll call it seeing as I haven't been diagnosed... yet) since I was in grade 8. Don't know what triggered it but I rememer this unbelievable pain, anxiety and sadness that came along with it. I'd take two showers everyday just to escape from people and have my own "thinking time". I'd fall asleep at 8:30 just so I could wake up to another day and pray it'd be better than the one I just went through. Then for some reason, things got a bit better. Grade 9, my first year of highschool, was surprisingly one of the best years of my life. I made new friends, hung out with them often, had a boyfriend then BAM nearing the end of my grade 10 year, my bf dumped me out of no where. This, sadly, was enough to bring that depressed feeling back. This time even worse. I lost weight, wasn't eating, was iritible, angry and crying all the time. Parents were worried, suggested I got help and I decided that it would be good to do so. It did help, I loved my counsillor, only issue was I did not get NEARLY the amount of time with her that I feel I needed, although things did begin to get brighter and I began getting over my heartbreak and moving on. We move forward to my grade 11 year, second semester, where I met my now, bf of two years. I love him to death, have made more amazing friends but again, I find myself in a spiral of depression. I guess ever since grade 10, it's always just lingered, but with recent, new stressors such as my 16 year old sister getting pregnant and kicked out of the house, my cat dying, three of my best friends ditching me and saying crapy things about me on fb and twitter among MANY other things, life just sucks again. I find myself un able to even motivate myself to go for a simple walk or even get out of bet. I'm missing crazy amount of school because I feel the need to just sit back and do, well, nothing because mentally I don't feel I can cope. I'm finally seeking more help tomorrow, I'm headed to a walk in (I would make an apointment with my fam doc, but I don't want to wait when I finally got the courage to talk to someone again) and I'm not sure what to expect. Although I got help before, my father was the one who set it all up, and it wasnt over my possible depression, it was over m breakup. I don't even know HOW to go amongst asking the doc what I should do. Do I just tell him straight up "Yo, doc, I think I'm depressed?" Ugh it's all so stressful. 'm sick of school because I've already graduated and I've only got to classes this semester so I don't go, there's always something new to bring me down. ugh. guess I just needed to vent.

PrairieDawn 05-28-12 05:36 PM

Hi. It's good that you can go to the walk-in place tomorrow. I would just tell the doc your symptoms (being unmotivated, staying in bed, it interferes with your day to day activities (school), feel that you can't cope, anxiety, sadness...), and how long you've had the symptoms, and that you feel that it's depression. He'll probably ask you questions, and then give you some options.

It's a good idea to write down what you want to tell any doctor, so you don't forget anything while you're there. Happens to me all the time - so I've learned to bring a list.

I'm sorry for all you've been through. It's been a lot for you. :hug::hug::hug:


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