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mustang 01-25-12 08:39 AM

'Fixing' myself before looking for someone else
Trying to be rational and sensible here. I have a lot of things I'm going through that I need to work on and I know that I am emotionally immature and can be really needy. I think it's best, therefore, to focus on me before looking for anybody else.

However... I've recently met a guy that I like. I briefly explained that I don't want to lead him on and that I'm trying to sort my head out at the min and he has been really understanding, appreciated my honesty and told me that if I ever fancy a quick drink and/or a chat, to let him know.

Can I do this? Or do I need to work on myself before going out with anyone?

Dad of 3 01-25-12 08:56 AM

I don't think that working on yourself means you need to isolate yourself from the world.

I personally see nothing wrong in a quick drink or chat as long as you have made it clear that you are in a place where you need to work on yourself. If he's a good guy, he'll respect that. Who knows, maybe he even becomes a friend you can talk with about some of the things. Just try not to put any pressure on yourself. And remember, if it doesn't feel like its right you don't need to meet with him again.

I myself believe that one thing many of us with depression need to do better is to not isolate ourselves from the world. Part of getting better is being involved in everyday life and learning how to cope with thse situations. Its sometimes easier said than done.

Good luck, no matter what you decide!

celery 01-25-12 10:20 AM

Part of working on yourself is getting used to the dynamics of the world around you. We are all works in progress and change/improvement should be an ongoing thing and not done exclusively. You get to know how and when to react, and know your limits and boundaries-you know what rattles you and things that make you happy.

You just have to be conscious of your goal. Keep reminding yourself of your desire for change. Be careful not to go overboard though in making people happy or not wanting to express disappointment in the fear of being labelled 'depressed'. Emotions-positive and negative-are a part of life. We just need to learn how to deal with them,so we are not totally devastated by them.

All the best!


hottea654 01-25-12 11:53 AM

You have already gotten some great advice Mustang. I would say as well that the right guy won't be someone you need to keep away from while you work on yourself, he will be someone who supports your working on yourself. The best people in life are the ones who facilitate us in becoming the best we can be, who stand with us and support our efforts towards positive change. Don't rule him out as a possibility if he seems like he is helpful instead of harmful for you. Just be mindful of your goals. You don't want to get lost in the moment with him and forgetting the goals you have set. You can do it!

mustang 02-01-12 08:19 AM

Thanks you guys :)

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