Take This Life

Take This Life (https://www.takethislife.com/)
-   Things that make you happy (https://www.takethislife.com/things-make-you-happy/)
-   -   Do you have a one liner or short joke? (https://www.takethislife.com/things-make-you-happy/do-you-have-one-liner-short-60671/)

CrazyBirdLady 05-22-11 06:51 PM

Do you have a one liner or short joke?
 
The fridge light DOES go out. Now let me out of here.

Semper Fidelis 05-22-11 06:55 PM

Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

CrazyBirdLady 05-22-11 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Semper Fidelis (Post 612862)
Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

I like that -

Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.

Semper Fidelis 05-22-11 07:03 PM

It takes many nails to make a crib, but only one screw to fill it.

powpowpow 05-23-11 03:00 AM

take my wife..please

SaveMeJeebus 05-23-11 08:08 AM

Why does a squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry.


brandysnap 05-23-11 09:33 AM

lol.... spam and twitter together make spitter - but we musnt talk about it

CrazyBirdLady 05-23-11 04:58 PM

An apple a day keeps the doctor away and so does having no insurance

SaveMeJeebus 05-23-11 05:13 PM

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.



CrazyBirdLady 05-23-11 06:10 PM

SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. there are hundreds of them!"

SaveMeJeebus 05-23-11 07:38 PM

Viewer discretion is advised.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

SaveMeJeebus 05-24-11 06:38 AM

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Black Dog 06-04-11 04:01 PM

1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Semper Fidelis (Post 612867)
It takes many nails to make a crib, but only one screw to fill it.

:rofl::rofl:

I must remember that one.

Here's my effort:

I just bought a Prince Charles tea pot...it never reigns, but it pours.

Attachment 2834

brandysnap 06-07-11 07:32 AM

Patient to doctor: Doctor Doctor Ive broken my leg in 2 places

Doctor to patient: Well dont go back to those 2 places...... boom boom !

Black Dog 06-07-11 03:44 PM

Ryan Giggs.
 
"Poor" old Giggsey's press coverage over the past week or so made me think that this one liner was fairly apt:

Behind every successful man is his woman.

Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

fedup 06-08-11 06:20 AM

Facebook is like being in jail. You waste a lot of time. You write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know.

CrazyBirdLady 06-08-11 04:28 PM

Never go to sleep angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge.

Black Dog 06-11-11 11:41 AM

Each night I sleep just like a baby.............I wake up every 2 hours screaming.

CrazyBirdLady 06-11-11 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black Dog (Post 619557)
Each night I sleep just like a baby.............I wake up every 2 hours screaming.


I know that feeling :biggrin:

Black Dog 06-11-11 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrazyBirdLady (Post 619561)
I know that feeling :biggrin:

So do I...so do I:biggrin:

susiesocialworker 06-13-11 03:25 PM

(From a kid at the school where I work)

How do you get Lady Ga Ga to wake up? Poke-er face! :rofl:

Fletch 06-13-11 03:29 PM

I was born by Caesarian. You wouldn't know it to look at me, but every time I leave the house I go out the window.

CrazyBirdLady 06-13-11 03:57 PM

Bunji Jumping:

I came into this world because of a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one!

Black Dog 06-13-11 04:48 PM

From a woman's viewpoint men are just like bank accounts:

if they don't have a lot of money, they don't generate a lot of interest.

Black Dog 06-24-11 11:16 AM

Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman.
 
Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."
"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."
"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."

Black Dog 06-30-11 05:01 PM

Life is all about ass.

You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.

CrazyBirdLady 06-30-11 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black Dog (Post 624813)
Life is all about ass.

You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.

I conquer

Black Dog 07-01-11 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrazyBirdLady (Post 624824)
I conquer

You conquer ass???:confused:

I'm lost there CBL.

CrazyBirdLady 07-01-11 04:43 PM

I agree life is all about ass

thisisreality 07-02-11 02:45 PM

ass!!!

Black Dog 07-03-11 08:27 AM

Good King Wenceleslas went out to the pizza parlour and ordered a pizza. The assistant asked:

" Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?"


Black Dog 07-06-11 04:45 PM

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

CrazyBirdLady 07-07-11 07:05 PM

If we put pictures of missing kids on beer cans instead of milk cartons we'd find them alot faster

tehghost 07-08-11 05:16 AM

There are no ugly women, there is just not enough vodka.

Black Dog 07-08-11 03:10 PM

Love may be blind......but marriage is a real eye-opener.

CrazyBirdLady 07-08-11 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black Dog (Post 627039)
Love may be blind......but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Amen to that!

Fletch 07-09-11 05:04 AM

My uncle's star sign was cancer, so it was a coincidence how he died. He was attacked by a giant crab.

SilverSkies88 01-18-15 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black Dog (Post 625051)
You conquer ass???:confused:

I'm lost there CBL.

Pretty sure they mean "I concur". :rolleyes: But that is fkn hilarious :rofl:

RavenDarkLight 02-21-15 11:51 AM

Did you hear about the atheist who suffered from both insomnia and dyslexia? He would lay in bed awake every night, wondering if there really is a Dog.

RavenDarkLight 02-21-15 11:52 AM

Love is grand ... divorce is ten grand.

kh440 02-22-15 09:38 PM

I once dated an attorney, but she was always on my case.

RavenDarkLight 03-15-15 08:39 PM

A man walks into a bar. He said "ouch".

Gene Poule 03-15-15 08:46 PM

People easily read me but rarely subscribe.

Xerxes 03-17-15 08:43 AM

I once knew someone who was frozen at absolute zero. Don't worry, he was 0K

RunningDeer 12-09-17 01:08 AM

There are two cats, an English cat and a French cat, in a contest to swim the English channel. The English cat is called one-two-three cat and the French cat is called un-deux-trois cat. The English cat won. Why?

Because un-deux-trois cat sank.

RunningDeer 12-09-17 01:09 AM

No matter how nice you are, German children will always be Kinder.

kh440 12-10-17 07:19 PM

I've never seen a hippopotamus hiding in a tree. They must be really good at that.

castout 12-15-17 11:04 PM

A prostitute had to have an appendectomy. She told the surgeon to leave the incision open so she could make some money on the side.

castout 12-17-17 06:33 PM

I've got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.

ayesha23 08-05-19 07:35 AM

the past, the present, and the future all walk in to a bar


......


it was tense


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:09 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2021 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2021 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.


Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2