I think i might have ocd
i have absolutly no social life. While I could meet friends and make social contacts, there is something that looses me.
I immediatly am distracted and loose focus because I think that evrything is not perfect. I mean, i imagine myself a beautiful world where everything is so beautiful,so elegant, everybody so great. It is a world without our imperfections.
It scares me, when I see the imperfections in our world. The trains, they are always delayed by like 5 minutes and it drives me mad.
THE CHARTS, THEY ALWAYS MAKE PIE CHARTS THAT ARE IMPERFECT REPRESENATIONS. I hate them
I hate when my car has scratches it is so imperfect, so nasty so horrible. I am shocked when it has scrathes.
The roads are so bumpy, so full of little elevated pavement and i hate it. The people are so wrong, like they do not think with their brains and it annoys me. They care for so many little things that are shit. Take an umbrella they say I say put on
a cap. That is madness, a cap always work it is so much better!!!!!!
I jump in frenzy around my room and imagine things that i could improve but they are so wrong.
HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED THE PEDESTRIANS WHEN THEY ARE CROSSING THE ROAD THEY ALWAYS GO DIAGONAL NOT STRAIGHT I HATE HATE HATE IT!!
I CAN T FOCUS ON MATH OR WHILE PLAYING POKER OR STARCRAFT OR DOING PROGRAMMING ROUTINES BECAUSE EVERYTHING SEEMS SO MAD, I HATE ART I CANNOT UNDERSTAND IT LIKE MUSIC HAS NO SENSE.
WHY DID THEY MAKE THE LITTLE DRONE WITH WINGS, THEY SHOULD HAVE MADE A DOT, A LITTLE DOT!!! i SWEAR IT WOULD WORK BETTER AND BE LESS DISTR ACTING!!!!!! wHILE DRIVING I CANNOT STAND THE LIOTTLE LIGHTS THAT ARE OUT OF THE STOPS, YOU KNOW THEY ARE RED THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN GREEN
and i always say in my head i give myself the reasons they are red because red is an intern ational warning color.
i could never have a relations ship or any friends just acuaitances because they sem so flawed. THEYR FACES ARE SO ASYMETRICAL SO IMPREFECT, one is too tall, the other is too short ,others nose is too big.
I am imperfect too even though i am tall with delicate features and smooth skin, my nose is big, my eyes are too distant one from each other, my eyebrows are too thick and my hair never stays in place even though it is very smooth. my eyes are brown and sometimes i cannot see my iris and it annoys me.
well, i am in love with a girl that is symetrical, so perfect, so beautiful like a godess. She has golden hair, perfect smooth skin, blue eyes she is a godess. I swear she is taken from one of my dreams, a perfect human being. I never saw the perfection, physical perfection but when i met her i realised she is a superior human being.
I asked her a long long time ago and she said no. I said ok there is nothing wrong as why would perfection want to do with a mortal man like me. But i told her i am her greatest admirer. She accepted this and i was happy. I never saw any picture of her for a long long tome ago as she was too beautiful and too perfect and it disturbed me. Why would a perfect human being do in our mortal world, it sickened me how wicked god is. Create a god and place us in our world, what a demented creator.
Still i am happy i saw something that gave me pleasure, i saw perfection and revereed her.
I wish if i saw physical beauty to see mental beauty once. A lyrical poetical beauty that would make me love her. And my life would be complete as i saw two perfections.
And the perfection i saw has a throne and a temple, and many people worship her and they say words that are far more powerful than mine as they desire her but they do not realise they are mortals.
I just wish my crazniness folr imperfections would dissapear as it is driving me mad.
Yes you have OCD. You must go and see your doctor and get help. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. A huge amount of people suffer from this disorder.
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