Hi Ryebread! I am glad you are doing better, I am glad you got away too, I know it is not easy. My mother really ruined me, and I am still not sure if I can or want to keep on. I have the physical and mental pain every day to remind me, hard to forget it when it is always there.. Maybe someday I will get up the courage to tell the whole story, maybe I will try a little at a time or something. Thank you for your encouragement, it does give me some hope. pixy

Hi Old Lady! Thank you for you post.. please give me a little time to think about this, not sure what to say right now.. pixy

Hi! Sorry about that, became too much too fast. sorry..

There were days I thought I could not go on. There are still days I feel like that. I personally think the only thing that keeps me going some days is my son. I have been going to the gym too, and that is helping. I had a long period where I was medicated and still would not crawl off a couch. Now, I have a bad day, but have like two good days around it. There is hope. I just really hope that soon you can get in an enviroment that will help nurish a healing process for you.

It is so nice that you have a son.. It must be one of the best things..

I see no evil in you, nor do I see a monster in you. I do not blame you, nor do I see fault in what you were thinking. I am actually glad you had those ideas, because its what lead you here to me. And I hope I have truly become someone you can communicate with, and talk to about the good and the bad. Have no fear, I am not here to judge you, i am only here to help and talk with you about anything anything at all. Do not be afraid to open up to me, whether its through here, through email, msn, Aim, i am always willing to talk and help out any way I can. All you need do is ask.

Thank you, I really don't know what to say.. It was more than an idea, more like a fail.. Sometimes I am so confused, not sure what to do. Not even sure how to explain everything, how to start, how to stay in order, how to keep from wandering... sigh...

You can take it one step at a time and start from square one. I am here to listen always. If u dont feel comfortable posting here, I have a private Email and MSN/aim account I can be contacted on. Everything will be kept between us. There is no reason for you to carry a burden alone.

maybe I will do a little at a time, give me time to think though..

No rush needed, you have all the time you need. Its hard opening up to strangers, but its usualyl the strangers who are the better listeners. Sometimes they are also the ones who betray us. No rush needed at all. Take all the time you need. Move at your own pace, and no one elses.