Take This Life

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-   -   Losing our pets (https://www.takethislife.com/grieving/losing-our-pets-58846/)

hottea654 09-25-16 12:02 PM

Sorry to hear of your dog's passing DPG. It's never fun.

My old cat friend Little Brother has passed (most likely) from life in the last 2 weeks. His health was slipping, he'd had a stroke and then fallen from a tree 3 stories high a year ago, was having gand-mal seizures every day, and he is 17 people years. My family was in the process of moving across town to be closer to the new work places and he ran from the house suddenly one day, about weeks ago now. We've looked for him extensively and can't find him. He has vanished. He used to always come home again when he went out, no matter where we lived, he always came home. He loves me. He got so old that he didn't struggle to jump out of my arms shortly after I picked him up any more, and he just lay in my arms like a tired old creature. I suppose he's gone back to the earth and the world, but I hope he's still here somehow. He was my friend for all those years and we overcame lots of obstacles like homelessness and traveling together in between doing well. I miss him. every time I leave and come home I think about him. It's an empty feeling to open the door and he's not there.

DPG1 09-29-16 05:26 PM

Thanks hottea654 and sorry to hear to hear about Little Brother. Losing any pet is difficult especially when you don't have children of your own. They're the fur babies.

Been almost a week and yeah, we're feeling her absence big time. The veterinarian who euthanized our dog sent us a card. Really nice and while we were there, was very supportive of us. Every day when I come home from work, I expect to see the dog looking out the door for me or at the end of her leash. And yes, the house is very quiet right now. Will take time.

hottea654 11-02-16 12:52 PM

I know the feeling DPG1. I come home and expect to see him run up, to hear him, I cut up chicken and look for him to feed the bits to. I hear something sometimes that sounds like him but I know he's gone. We have gone back to the old neighborhood and looked and looked and he is gone. Thats one of the hardest parts is I don't KNOW he is dead for sure, just have to assume. It is pretty much a certain thing, all the symptoms and his age and health fit the scenario, but all I know is that he ran out with an uncommon strength and vigor for his last year of life, never to be seen again. Sometimes what you know in your heart you want to fight in your hopes of the loss being somehow less hard. Most people just hurry up and get a new pet, but I'm not sure I'm ready for one. I'd need the right pet. I tried to raise another kitty for about 6 months while I still had Brother and he was not the right one. We gave him to people with children because he was too energetic and frisky. We saved him from death of infection and parasites, but as a young creature he was too much for our lifestyle. I don't miss that cat, just my old Brother cat.

I hope you feel okay soon DPG1. I know how the loss of your friend is everywhere you turn in your life right now. :hug::hug:

Endless Whinging 11-15-16 12:43 AM

I left my cat in the care of idiot friends while out of town. They let him out at night and he was killed by coyotes. I had an unusually strong bond with him. It's been a year and a half and I still think of him daily. I sometimes break down and cry. I am not a person who allows himself to cry.

I blame myself for his death, and not just for his death but the nature of it - alone, in terror, surrounded by enemies, torn apart. I should not have left him with these people. I should not have taught him that dogs could be friends. I expect that had I not dogsat for friends and accustomed him to being near dogs he'd not have hesitated that crucial moment and let them get too close. I should not have gone home when I went to collect him on my return; he was still alive at that point. I looked for a few hours and then went home and sat in bed awake. I found part of his body when I returned to look the next day. He was laying up somewhere during the day and they got him that night, while I sat uselessly in bed.

Friends have ruthlessly and relentlessly thrust other pets on me ever since, beginning immediately after his death. The idiots I left him with tried to get me a puppy. I eventually caved in and got a pair of kittens. This has been a disaster. I knew it was a wrong decision but had brought a friend with me to the shelter and was convinced to take them. I knew it was wrong and determined after two weeks to return them while they were still kittens and would still be adopted. The same friend again convinced me to keep them, promising to take them if I didn't want them. They are now grown, and I don't feel I can return them now as they would not have a good chance of being adopted.

They are great. Great cats. But not The Kitty. I cannot cuddle them, care for them, even see them without also thinking of Ollie and how he was killed. I relive his being torn in half, in terror, and my guilt over it every time I interact with them. I cuddle them and cry.

The one in particular is very interested in being my cat. He knows something is wrong. He can't understand why I don't love him and he feels bad about it. Which makes me feel even worse. I can't stand to let them outside, even if I stand over them and watch their every move; I am consumed with fear and I can't keep track of them both at once. So they are stuck indoors, which I think reduces their quality of life, which also makes me feel bad. And they are getting fat because they don't go out, and (for cats) they are both kind of shockingly unathletic and clumsy to begin with, and I like them even less for that, and I don't like that about myself. Everything about having them is, at the very best moments, a mixed bag.

The person who agreed to take them will do so, but it is clearly a burden and something they regret having said. They are astounded that I haven't "got over it" and wonder why I "delight in torturing myself." I don't know why either, but thus far I've been unable to stop.

So, Hottea, I advise you to wait. Wait for the right one, or until you are ready - same thing. You'll know when one comes to you and it is just joy, untinged by pain. That is how it was when Ollie came to me four years after losing my previous cat - unexpected, unlooked for, and joyous.

hottea654 01-05-17 02:39 AM

Thank you Endless. I'm sitting up late and crying. I cross my arms across my chest and hold the opposite shoulder, cry in quiet tears so my husband's snores won't be disturbed in the bedroom. (one bedroom flat) There were things my Brother did and responses he gave that were special, that I took comfort in. Now they're gone and if its comfort I seek, God only knows. I'm alone in this private pain in my life.

We can't ever replace our beloved friends. Maybe the first thing is not to try to do so. We can find different friends but never replace the ones lost. I think your Ollie went to the spirit world knowing you love him. I think he knew through and through that your love was always there. I'm sorry for your loss. I understand how deep your emotions are based on my experiences but I respect that they are yours. Its a burden alright. Can you do anything ceremonial that will help you find some peace? Sometimes a special ceremony between you and your friend and the loss can help. Or just talk with him out loud. Tell him how you feel. Sometimes that helps too. :hug:

midnightphoenix 01-06-17 11:22 AM

Out of the 5 cats I've had two had to be put to sleep (my elderly girl - Beauty - had cancer and a few other problems and my elderly boy - Tom - had serious damage to his spine, both times the vet said there was nothing else they could do) and my boy Dylan my family decided to give him away to a new family when my mental health was bad after a relationship ended and I lost everything else apart from my Dylan), the one I still guilt trip myself about is my Dylan because he was a lovely boy and found a new home easily despite being only a couple of years before old age (he was 7 and generally cats are considered to be starting to get old at the age of 8)

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