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-   -   does the pain ever get any easier? (https://www.takethislife.com/grieving/does-pain-ever-get-any-easier-55130/)

14 and depressed 01-14-11 05:34 PM

does the pain ever get any easier?
 
I lost my grandmother nearly four years ago, she meant more to me than anyone else in the world. I held her hand as she died and I miss her to this very day, i loved her so so much. She was no where near perfect but I looked up to her, she had guts and never EVER gave up. I miss her so much, i was just wondering if anyone knew, will my heart ever stop hurting?

xxdestiny92xx 01-14-11 05:38 PM

Hey, i wish i had the answer to that question for you. Im sorry to hear about your loss. But think she is in a better place now, watching down on you and will always be with you in your memories and heart, even though she isnt there in person she will always be with you. If you are really struggling with this try bereavment counciling(sorry dont know how its spelt) thats what my stepdad is doing now and its helping him with his loss..hope this helped a little..xox

mamabear 01-16-11 06:11 AM

Takes your time
 
Hey 14

I lost my father in February of last year...I took him from hospital and cared for him until he died 8 days later.....I miss him everyday...my mum is slowly slipping away, as she has Alzheimers......I still refer to my dad like he is still alive.......my son thinks I should "It's life, move on".....that is bullshit....there is no time put on grief.....but I have sort help and they tell me eventually the pain will turn into good memories....Grief is different for everyone.....I have lost my mum psychologically and then she will pass away and that is a whol new ball game......Seek out some grief counselling.....it helps and you will find what you are going through is normal.....I am sorry for your loss.......I often ask myself would my dad want me to be like this, so, would your Gran want you to be so unhappy...

Take care honey

Love mamabear:frown:

hottea654 01-31-11 03:52 AM

I think of the special people I have lost and it still hurts, even after many years. I went through a depressed period recently where I didn't feel very much any more about anything, and I didn't hurt for those losses then. When I got back to where I could hurt for their loss again I realized that in some ways I would rather be able to feel that pain because I DO care still. I still love them. I'm afraid if I stop hurting all together maybe I won't care about who they were to me any longer. So now that I can hurt again, I try to keep it so it doesn't interfere with my life, but I don't feel so bad for missing them and wishing they didn't have to go without me.

hottea654 01-31-11 03:53 AM

I think the pain will grow easier, though. Give it time, and find support if you can while you grieve so much as you do.

14 and depressed 02-01-11 02:52 PM

i was ten when i lost my grandmother and i dont think i really knew how to deal with it then, so i bottled it up, and now im paying the price. so im now dealing withall the bad experiances and losses ( and there were a lot of them) i endured earlier in my life.

i feel like im loosing them all over again because i can still remember them and how horrible it was when they passed. im not saying i want to forget them, im not saying that at all, i would just like to remember happy times with them, rather than the memories that involve death beds!

mamabear 02-06-11 12:16 AM

Process
 
Hi 14

I understand what you are saying...I have times when I still have images of my dad at home dead in his bed and other horrible memories...but I also look for things that we laughed about or even argued about...Grief had stages and they happen at different times. Research Helena Kubla-Rosses stages of grief (NOt too sure how the spelling goes) but you will find yourself amongst it....I lost contact with a very good friend because she did not know how to deal with me and the situation....I was annoyed but this is normal...

Seek some grief counselling if you can......you must be going through such a sad and lonely time for such a long time.....

My dad was a violent alcoholic, but I had to forgive him to move forward with my life, which enabled me to give hime the love he needed when he was dying

Love
mamabear:hug:

14 and depressed 03-10-11 02:44 PM

thank you mama bear,

i think the hardest thing about this whole thing is that I cant remember the happy times, it makes it much harder to deal with the deaths. Grandma drank a lot and i think its what made her last few days so horrid to witness as even in the hospital she would be asking me as a ten year old to go and buy her some vermouth, it was horrible.


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