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vava 11-03-06 12:23 AM

Ex eating-disorder victim
 
Hi, My name's Eva.I used to hate my body shape because everyone else hate it and they are not afraid to tell me in my face, and i hate to see how other people are disgusted by my weight when it is reflected on their face Those moments are the time when I hated myself, and I hated the world. I thought I couldn't bear to carry and trail this heavy body along. I was overweight, and still is but a different person now, because I did alot of soul seraching and read many self-help books.

I took women's studies as one of my subject third year in campus and learnt about how the society focus too much on a woman's face and body. the modern women have more rights today, yes they work they are allowed to go to school but they are oppressed in other ways. They are reduce to think they can function properly only when they are the right size. Small and petite and almost invisible so they would not disrupt the society that is largely dominated by men.

I was a bulimic for 3 years and hate myself alot for hurting my body because i was always accused of eating too much, looking fat, I hate myself for knnwing how poking my fingers in my throat was dangerous for my health and still helplessly doing it. I binge and puke, feel good and bad at the same time because i could get rif of the food(=guilt) but my stomach starts getting cramps. At one point in time I thought i could never live much longer and i hated myself because i induced my own pain.

Then I read about body issues and eating disorder and found out that many things start from the mind and of course , people around us have a lot to do about the fact i was bulimic. I start accepting my body and although is slowly working to shed some weight but never drastic. I've learnt my lesson and how to deal with people who can unconsciously hurt your feelings about your image. I had many internal dialogues and saw a psychologist in uni and talked about my problem, it was getting better when i shifted my attention to my bulimic problem and not me being fat.

The society is obsessed with skinny and impossibly slender bodies because it shows that 'we consume yet we could keep in shape', the western media provoke these images and ideals that average women hae to fight to sustain it's crazy. I just want to share with whoever out there who still think it's a problem, do not let anyone get you down, fat is defined as ugly by a society shaped by cultural and historical factors and it is not 'natural' that fat=ugly. We should start loving ourselves the right way.

I wished more people will realize this because then we will start seeing ourselves differently.Everyone is beautiful, really

boulevard-traveler 11-03-06 09:55 AM

i hear you....a little kid i babysat called me fat one time in my face


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