Why Am I Scared?
Hi all, I'm a male in my 30's and have been single for a few years now and I have quite severe mental health problems. Anyway, about 18 months ago I met a local woman on the dreaded facebook and she has been a brilliant mate in that time. She has made it clear from day one that she fancies me but I didn't think I did see her the same way, we met 2 months ago and I found that I do kind of fancy her. We spent the night together but didn't have sex.
I'm just not sure if I can handle a relationship or if I'd be a decent boyfriend if I did have one. She knows most of the real me and is not put off at all, if anything she seems determined to see through all my problems but I can't see through them myself so god knows how she can. Been feeling very depressed over the past week or so, not major but just annoyingly so and the suicide thoughts are back in abundance. The self deprecation, loathing all that I am and how pathetic my life is are driving me mad(excuse the pun). I've pushed her away time and time again but she is always there.
What the hell am I to do??
Oh, my MH problems are bipolar, BPD, anxiety and depression mainly.
Hello there my friend, Now im not usually one who posts to other people, (much to my own disappointment, as i like making people feel good) As i have a few issues myself. But i can see that alot of people, myself definitely included, See themselves as Worthless or Un-loveable due to various reasons. Be it due to looks or mental health issues you cant see yourself getting over.
However i can say that from reading your post i can see that someone has seen you for whats underneath those issues you saw yourself having; that may have been holding you back alot. Now, one persons opinion is not going to change your self belief that you are what you say you are, As people have told me things that i dont believe. As ive told myself these things for so long they become self truths. You believe the bad things so much that they become true. Even though they may not be.
All i can really say, as i dont have any diagnosed mental health issues, So i cant advize on those. Is that you should try and be neutral to start with. You dont have to accept other peoples words when they say you are amazing etc, as you wont believe it. Or in my experience you wont. But if you just say to yourself, I'm ok. or average or alright. Something along those lines i suggest. Its what people are getting me to do, and its not cutting out the thoughts of suicide etc, but its making me think a bit more about myself in a reasonable light.
Hope this helps, if any. And good luck. Ill be watching this thread.
Thanks for your reply GJ, I'm grateful you took the time to do so.
I'm a mess, sorry.
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