Dealing with death
A family member of mine who was apart of my childhood is dying. Although I have seen them but they haven't really been in my life for about 10years now, but other family members are still apart of his life. He is dying of cancer and hasn't got long left (days).
I can't bring myself to go and see him, it scares me.. its like confronting all my fears of death. A few months ago I was suffering with anxiety of death and how I was going to die, and just really scarey thoughts. I know if I see him in that state it will trigger those thoughts again which I don't want. But I would like to say goodbye, but I can't do it. Ever since I found out he's been hospitalized it's already made me little bit paranoid about death. My family don't really know much about my depression and anxiety so their just going to think that I don't care about him or I'm being selfish. But it's for my own good, watching someone die isn't going to help my mind. I've only just built myself back up again, something like this could bring it back.
I am so sorry for your losing / loss. We lost Mom a short time ago after a long-term illness.
One of my brothers couldn't stand to see her that way, and so he would call my Dad and talk to her on the phone. If you really can't face it, maybe you could talk to them if they are still able to talk.
If you are in counseling, you need to tell your counselor what is going on, because whether or not you visit, you may revisit all of the feelings you recently went through.
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