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Disposable Angel 10-19-06 11:21 PM

Did he abuse me?
I need help. I think my father may have abused me but I just dont want to see it.... When I was younger ten and below he was so great. He was the cool dad that everyone liked. He told me all he ever wanted was a daughter. I’m his only child so I thought I was so special I was the one thing my father wanted plus we share the same birthday. But he got caught up in drugs. I admired him so much I loved him so much I didnt care he called me nothing and talked down to me. He never hit me or anything he just constantly told me I was nothing and I wasnt even his real daughter. I blamed myself for his drug problem maybe I still do... He’s been in and out of jail his whole life because of drugs. I talk to him still he... he says he never did anything like that but he did. He hurt me so many times, broken promises, he made me cry over nothing, he made me hate myself. Even now I cant tell him no I cant tell him how I really feel... I love him. I want him to be proud of me I want him to love me. He says he does but... I dont know all I ever wanted was to be a good daddy’s little girl. But my question is could that be considered abuse? I dont know what to think... I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately... He didnt even call me on my 18th b-day last month...

tiggrr 10-19-06 11:56 PM

I'm sorry angel. It sounds like your dad has some serious problems. Drugs can really take over a persons life and change their personality. Unfortunately, if he was verbally abusive to you, then he was abusive. IF you fell abused then, I think so. But if he was good to you befor he got into the drugs or when he wasn't high then hopefully thats the real person, though it dosen't excuse his behaviour. Mental abuse can hurt just as much as physical.

Disposable Angel 10-20-06 12:56 AM

He was good to me I have so many happy memories but... I guess he was verbally abusive to me... I dont know... I dont want to think of him that way. I hate drugs they are so evil... :cry:

tiggrr 10-20-06 01:01 AM

Well hold on to the good memeories. The truth is it can be whatever you believe. Most parents yell at their kids. But if he put you down, that's going to affect your self-esteem for a long time. Just know that it was probably the drugs and not him. Sorry he missed your b-day. Do you still talk to him?

Disposable Angel 10-20-06 01:08 AM

I have very low self esteem... he told me I was useless and nothing. Its not the first b-day he's missed and I doubt it will be the last. I still talk to him... I talked to him two days ago I think.

tiggrr 10-20-06 01:19 AM

DA, I think that's horrible that he would say that to you. We look to our parents for the bulk of our self opinion. For him to say that to you is cruel. YOu aren't nothing or useless. You sound lilke a very intelligent, thoughtful young woman.

Does he still talk to you this way?

Disposable Angel 10-20-06 01:28 AM

Thank you tiggrr... He doesnt talk to me like that anymore. He says he never did. He just tells me how much he loves me and stuff. I think he's still doing drugs I have no proof but.. I think he is. He lives a few states away now.

tiggrr 10-20-06 01:34 AM

I hope you told him in no uncertain terms that he did and how it made you feel. If he's still doing drugs then he's still in denial about his life and not admitting his behaviour to you is part of that. He may not remember some of it b/c of the drug use, but that's not an excuse. He should believe you; why would you lie--you love him. I'm sure he is proud of you and loves you, too. but even people who love you can abuse you too. Just make sure you can protect yourself emotionally when needed and know that what he said about you is not true.

Disposable Angel 10-20-06 01:42 AM

I have a hard time telling him how I feel and how he makes me feel. I need to be stronger... I hope you're right that he loves me and is proud of me... Thank you its nice to know someone cares.

tiggrr 10-20-06 01:53 AM

Lots of people care DA. I'm sure he cares about you too. It's hard when you love somebody and they don't love you the way you want them too, but some people are only capable of so much, and sometimes they are our parents. But I think if he tells you that he loves you then I think you should take that at face value even if he isn't the best father. I know you don't want to tell him b/c you're afraid of his reaction, but if you don't you'll always wonder.

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