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lost hope 01-17-10 03:20 PM

narcissistic personality
 
This may not be in the right place but i don't know where else it could go.
I think i have a narcissistic personality, and i've allowed it to ruin everything in my life.
I haven't been diagnosed with the disorder, i don't think it's that acknowledged but i've been looking into different personality disorders and out of them all this one seems to fit.
I'm not particularly proud of the way i've been, but i've never tried hard enough to fight it and now i'm suffering the results of my mistakes. I've prayed to God for his forgiveness, but i know i've let everyone in my life down. I don't want pity, i am just trying to deal with my life now and it's hard. I know i deserve the pain i'm in and i hate myself more than anyone else ever could, i wish i'd never been born.
Even now i know i sound selfish i just can't seem to help myself, i don't know how to.

Apparently it's one of the worst pd's to treat, it's almost impossible. I've read of some famous peolpe who have had it and it's not good, some were thought of as monsters. I never wanted to be like this, but i never really tried not to if that makes sense, now i feel it's too late to make any difference and i'm devastated.

laneblade 01-18-10 12:02 AM

It's never to late for a fresh start. I know that sounds corny, but if you change your actions from here on out people will notice and forgive you. But first you have to forgive yourself. Remember that you have a serious disorder and the first step is recognizing it and seeking help. BRAVO for your bravery in seeking those necessary step. Even if they were forced on you (that was my situation) be brave and work hard to keep going. I hope that you can forgive yourself and find happiness.:hug:

oliveoyl 04-04-14 01:36 PM

The main reason NPD is hard to treat is because people who have it are unlikely to seek treatment unless they have a major failing or depressive episode. Most people with NPD are unaware of it and deny it if someone confronts them with it. If you acknowledge that you have this and you are willing to seek help then you are in that percentage of people with this disorder who ARE able to be helped. Good for you! Please reach out for some professional help. I am sure at least some of the people in your life will forgive you.
Good luck.
Oliveoyl

bla1993 07-10-14 03:07 PM

I know what it feels like. I have ruined my relationships with everyone, even god. I tried to sell my soul for the things I am missing in life, it was no good. Now that I am alone I know it was my mistake all along. I live with a false identity I don't really know who I truly am. I don't know if I should go on living.

Anastassia Florine 09-20-14 11:36 AM

Bla1993, you cannot ruin your relationship with God. As I love to say, redemption is tailor-made for the wretched. Both you and Lost Hope need to turn your mistakes into errors, by learning from them and never making them again. It will be just as good as if you never made them. It is alright that you did them; nothing and no part of anything is hopeless at all because of it. Just don't do it again. :)

Hey, did you not want to seek help because you felt you were too good for it and that there was nothing wrong with you, or that you idn't want others to think there was? I can relate. I thought for a while that I had NPD.


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