The more I go to therapy, the crazier I feel...
I've only been to therapy twice and it's making me really depressed. It's like the more I go, the more my therapist is diagnosing me with. Depression, anxiety (social possibly), dissociation, etc from childhood abuse. Now I have to go to a six hour psychological assessment thing to find out if I have Aspergers or not. I have absolutely no idea what to expect.
Anyways, with the whole dissociation thing, my therapist is having me talk to inanimate objects lol. She modeled it with a coaster for me in her office. She wants me to write down some notes on what is it like for me. What I saw, heard, felt... was it easy/hard? I felt so uncomforatble when she was talking to the coaster. I seriously don't know how I'm going to do this. I tried it with my fan remote, a coke bottle, a picture frame. It didn't work out too well. I can't stay focused. :( After about five seconds, I'm bored and can't think of anything else. I feel stupid just doing it.
What should I do? And what should I expect from a psychological assessment. Have you ever had one? Oh and how do I tell my therapist that I have thoughts of suicide. I'm over 18, but I'm afraid that she is going to think I'm a threat to myself and involuntarily admit me to an asylum.
I don't know, the more I go to therapy, the crazier I feel. It's making me more depressed than ever. I thought this was supposed to help me. Thanks for reading.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this..therapy is supposed to make you feel better, not worse! But it's good that you're sticking with it, and that you're trying the exercises your therapist suggested. Hopefully in time once you get more comfortable with your therapist, and the idea of going to therapy, you'll feel better about your sessions.
Have you talked to your therapists about how being diagnosed has made you feel more depressed? This is an important thing for her to know. In my (albeit limited) experience with counsellors, it's best to be honest with them. Same goes for any suicidal thoughts. She'll most likely give you coping strategies to help you deal with them. And you won't be hospitalized for telling her you've had suicidal thoughts. I've told my doctor, and he simply gave me a crisis line number. Unless you have had an attempt, or tell them that you are planning an attempt, they will simply help you to cope. Suicideal thoughts are much different than actually planning to commit suicide in detail.
I hope things get better for you, and really I think that the best thing you can do right now is let your therapist know that the sessions have been making you more depressed. She is really there to help you, and she needs to know how your feeling in order to best help you.
I've found that going to therapy is like peeling an onion... take the layers away one by one, and underneath there's yet another damned thing to deal with. The more I went, the more painful and traumatizing it became.
I can't tell you to stop going, because in some ways I think that's the only way to deal with the things that we've gone through... but I would definitely have a talk with your therapist and let them know that the things you're doing are hurting you. It's okay to tell them it hurts. That's what they're there for.
I don't think they can lock you up for admitting that you have suicidal thoughts. That's for the outside world that doesn't understand this shit. A therapist will most likely refer you to anti-depressants in order to help the thoughts diminish or even go away completely.
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