we grieve for ourselves
I guess it's safe to say that most of the people in here had experience loosing someone they loved. It's tough too deal with (specially when you're dealing w/ your own depression) no matter how hard of a person you are. It's like adding salt and vinegar to an open wound. We cry and try to reminisce all the memories that still lingers in our gloomy, clouded, and helpless minds. We loose our appetites, priorities, and maybe even our own selves.
I grew up with my grandparents since my mother gave birth to me when she was 16. My father left before i even reached the age of 1....and so does my mother later on, as she moved-in with my stepfather. Needless to say, my grandparents is the only parents that i've ever known. I love them dearly. My grandma died of cardiac arrest (while having her ashma attack) while i lay beside her at the age 7. My grandpa died a year later due to depression (and apparent suicide). I know somehow he didn't (couldn't) get over the fact that grandma's gone. I live with other relatives as I grow older. I think that's the start of me being me.
I decided to look for my father when i was 17. It seems that I needed to do this (at that time). I met him only three times before he passed away.
1st, was when I found him and had our introductory meeting.
2nd, was when i visited him at the hospital (due to a head trauma he suffered from a work related accident). He was in a coma for a year.
Lastly was at the funeral a year after the accident.
We never did have any closure in our relationship (as a father and son). He never spoke about stuff that i wanted to hear from him. And I never asked those questions simply because...I didn't. I believe that some things are better off left unspoken.
Death is a way of life. It's a process that every living creature goes through. We all have it coming. And for some, it's sooner than later. I personally believe that our departed loved ones want us to live our lives to remember them for their positive impact that makes us who we are. Life goes on. We take the good and make it better. And I really believe that you can make it better.
rmgedon, your right that we grieve ourselves. I am sorry that you were unable to find closure with your father. When I was growing up, I know that there were certain things that I never heard from my mother and father, three very simple words "I love you", but nevertheless I knew they did. Being a father of two boys myself, while I constantly tell them how much I love them, I know there is an instinctual bond between us as they are my flesh and blood. While you may not have been able to get closure in the verbal sense, I hope that you were able to get closure in another way. Sorry, I'm having such a hard time trying to verbalize what it is I am trying to say. But bottomline is that, he was your father, and at an intinctual level, he wanted the best for you.
Keep up your positive attitude :)
thanks man /\ the whole experience just makes me a rock. i just constantly feel "comfortable numb". you don't miss something if you don't have it to begin with. i told him on his deathbed (& i'm pretty sure he heard me) that "all is forgiven". he died the next day. <-- i'm getting goosebumps just by sharing this.
anyways. you're probably right. he wanted the best for me. eventhough it wasn't very clear to me what really took place between my family.
btw....if you know in person, you wouldn't even think i'm a positive person. i just keep all of it inside 'cause i don't want to offend anyone.
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