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ade2009 12-03-09 07:00 PM

Lost my mum..
Hi All..

After a short illness My mum passed away on the 25th November in hospital..
I was there with my brother uncle and Aunt..

Ever since i can't get the image of her last moments out of my mind..
I have already taken a week off work I work Friday to Sunday, and will be off this weekend to..
The Funeral is on Monday..

I'm not sure I will be able to go back to work for a while, but am worried also about my job..

I feel such a mess, I do have support from freinds family etc, I do still live in my mum's house and feel a bit of comfort..

I know I have got to try and get on with things sooner or later, but at the moment I just can't..

I'm not even sure this post will make any sense to anyone..

My brother as I say has been a big help, and we have done things that needed doing such as changing bills over to my name, freezing mum's bank account etc..

Sorry for going on so long..

and thanks for taking time to read this..


joanna 12-03-09 07:19 PM

Hi Adrian,

I'm so sorry for your loss....((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Of course you cant get the last moments out of your mind...that is understandable.
Cant you talk it over with your boss and tell them that you need some time off..or isn't that possible?
Your post makes alot of sense and I'm glad you posted here...
Thank God you have your brother...and friends...

Delta40 12-03-09 07:23 PM

((((tender hugs))) your mother has only just passed away. Your grieving process will take however long it takes. please don't try to pass it by as it will hinder your recovery. My father died in May this year and I was out for the count for 3 weeks before I could function in a working capacity and that was with medication. Fortunately I'm a public servant which means I have access to services via the workplace who were very supportive and helpful.

However, if you don't have this luxury, then declare your need for help and support to family friends and anyone else who can be there for you. It really is ok - you just lost the most central figure of your life. But please don't try to cover it up and grin and bear it because you could set yourself up for an almighty crash.

This table outlines the 5 stages of grief and they can occur in any order and more than once.

five stages of grief - elisabeth kübler ross

EKR stage Interpretation 1 - Denial Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored. Death of course is not particularly easy to avoid or evade indefinitely. 2 - Anger
Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset. 3 - Bargaining
Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death. 4 - Depression
Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the 'aftermath' although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality. 5 - Acceptance Again this stage definitely varies according to the person's situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must necessarily pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief. (Based on the Grief Cycle model first published in On Death & Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, 1969. Interpretation by Alan Chapman 2006-2009.)

Tree0810 12-03-09 07:39 PM

Just let yourself grieve. my mother passed away too, not to long ago. Just feel. Talk to work and feel.

hydiidepressio 12-04-09 04:10 AM

Hello Adrian,

My sympathy is with you,your brother and your family and friends.

Dont think you need to rush your grief and make sure you and your brother share your feeling to one another as you need each other.
Ive lost three members of my family ,the latest my only child 21 months ago.

Take care

Bye the way, welcome to TTL

ade2009 12-04-09 04:46 AM

I think it may be a good idea to go back to the dr next week,
He said if i need anymore time off..

I just can't even think about returning to work at the moment..

Thnaks to all of you for your kind posts..


brandysnap 12-04-09 05:23 AM

HELLO Adrian

SO sorry to hear about your mother - am thinking about you at this time and sending condolences to you and your family.


MeMe 12-04-09 08:11 AM

What a tough time you must be going through, I am sincerely sorry for the loss of your mother. I send my love and support. <3 Welcome to TTl you came to a great place to get help. Keep in touch with your Doc. I echo others when they say to allow yourself time to grieve. You need the process more then you know right now.
Best of luck and love

Bri 12-04-09 10:27 AM

hi aidrian i lost my mother on the 8th of december 3 years ago and my granmother in december the year after .I never spoke to anyone and cried only the once in private i thought i had to be strong for my kids and my father . Believe me when i tell you that if you dont greive now it will build up inside you and only make matters worse , i believe that was the start of my problems, never be to proud to seek help or talk to friends as bottling it up is no good im sure if you talk to your boss he will sort some time off out for you. Hope all goes well good luck

ade2009 12-04-09 11:21 AM

I hope so..
as the funeral is Monday, I'm thinking I will just be exspected to to go back to work for Friday the start of my week..

As the Vicar said yesterday when he came round to talk about mum for the service on Monday..
it will take a long time to greve and feel I'm able to move on..
I just hope people I work for understand that..

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