I can't forget it
Everything I did for someone, my loyalty, my time, my respect, my love; it’s like it meant nothing, like it doesn’t matter, never happened. I was always real and I was never on any bullshit. But none of it mattered, none of it was appreciated. What gets me the most is how I feel that everything was deleted, erased, and how expendable I was, and now feeling like I am being forgotten and everything I did is forgotten. I may have never even existed. Being easily replaced by someone else. Was I just needed, was it all lies, manipulations, and gassing my head up, none of it was true….
I am tired of this happening with everyone that comes into my life. Being rejected, being used, being played with, being lied to. I am not a trusting person, but when I put my trust into someone I think is worth it, I open up to them, make myself vulnerable, make myself available and am there for them, someone to rely on and believe in; only to have them abandon me for no reason; just because. It is person after person until I am left with nobody. No friends, no one to confide in, no support system, nobody that cares or shows affection. All my life things have been this way, never had any friends, never been in relationships, never had a social life. I feel like I am going to ultimately be isolated from everyone and have no one in my life, and not by choice. Ostracized by society. Can I sustain being a loner involuntarily, to not have friends or family, to not matter to anyone, not make a difference in anyone’s life. I won’t last that long. I can’t sustain living like this. But I have no choice it seems at this point. I don’t think I am going to make it.
I feel so worthless. A piece of shit. No value. Insignificant. Scum. Inferior. Rejected. Hated…I’m tired.
:hug:I don't reject you.
@Lojo===you wrote==**I feel so worthless. A piece of shit. No value. Insignificant. Scum. Inferior. Rejected. Hated…I’m tired**...I say==wrong bet,rejection???we don't reject you because you feel like this,great answer of Sensual Girl ..lack of self respect leads to a feeling of thinking==i am not able to carry on==life is shit etc...if life seems pointless then often people do not see a way out and end up in a whirlwind of depressive feelings,ruminations,lack of appreciation or recognition?hence the question in the head==am i a piece of shit,does nobody cares,am i doomed?the answer for these feelings is a positive way of thinking and getting rid of the obsure clouds in the mind which obstuct a way out..i reckon in your case life is not easy since you are deep thinking about what went wrong..do you ever think that you will get better and lead a life where people give you the necessary boost up to feel who you really are?or want to be?think about that?Lojo and pull yourself up out of a negative spiral in your way of thinking,WOLO===we only live once...good luck....:wave:
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