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SirGrayFox 07-27-19 01:52 AM

Weird suicide feeling? Dissapointed with the world
 
Hello everyone, as you can see it's my first time here. I register in the forum to talk about a feeling that i can't talk to anyone around me.

So just to put in the context:
I'm 33 y/o, teacher (love my job), have a decent house, decent income, practice martial arts, have a tiny social life, single but never wanted kids so i'm cool with that, not many friends but i'm a introvert so that doesn't bother me much usually like to be on my own. In general i can say i have a decent comfortable life.
I'm the past during my teens and early adult life i was severely depressed and had hard suicide thoughts even wrote an suicide note once but never went through and manage to recover. So i can say i'm not depressed (i think), at least not in the medical way.

That said in the last few years i started to feel hopeless about the world. I mean, i feel i don't want to live this world anymore. I feel like a fish out of water, feel unconfortable among people, i don't like most of the stuff i see nowadays (books, movies, etc), i don't feel excited with pretty much nothing new that comes up not even good news, when i talk to random people i feel disinterested about what they say because most of the time they have just polarizing, radical or just plain exaggerated opinions wherever i watch the news i feels extremely disconnected and disappointed with society. Wherever i see those people complaining and protesting about stupid stuff like "There weren't enough black people in X movies", or "That show is mysogenist", "The earth is flat", "The communist are taking over" etc (not ignoring that there are racism or prejudice in the world just telling exemplifying some of those claims are plain ridiculous), politicians who only think about themselves, gloryfied stupid people (Kardashians, youtubers etc) the youth who is worringly dumber every day (i teach kids...it worries me), companies steal and sell your data, the nature being destroyed that make me feel deeply depressed.

I was not always like that, in the past even when i was depressed i had hopes for the future even though i didn't have any for myself. Nowadays i feel like i should be happy because i have a decent life but i'm not.

I feel i don't belong the world anymore, feel out of place. Life is very boring even when i'm doing the things i like, there's no point. So boring i'm considering ending it, the "boredom of life" is growing in me everyday i'm afraid it might get unbearable soon.



I couldn't find any other person that feel the same way as i do in the same extent. I'm not sure what that is. Maybe it's some kind of philosophical depression? Nihilism? Mid-life crisis? Came to this forum to maybe find anyone who think the same.

English it's not my first language so i'm not sure if i manage to make my thoughts clear. I'm sorry for my mispellings and for the long post.

Thank you for reading.

SirGrayFox 07-31-19 10:33 PM

Guess it's really just me then...=(

tigerlover 08-01-19 08:31 AM

No,it's NOT only you,Gray fox..we all have a tendency to believe in a better world,but nowadays true life values are gone into a wasteland,the drain?i am bit of an older dude who fought for a better world to live in when i was younger,by the way===i still do,but it's a fight who never can be won,too many contradictions,
anxiety,false beliefs in a world which is based on egocentrism,power,improving self imago,be it political,
racist,religious,sexist,but my dreams==just like your's,by the way..are shattered,put into a waste bin,an illusion,utopia?just believe in yourself and the little values you keep in your grey cells to continue life:smile:

SirGrayFox 08-03-19 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerlover (Post 2929506)
No,it's NOT only you,Gray fox..we all have a tendency to believe in a better world,but nowadays true life values are gone into a wasteland,the drain?i am bit of an older dude who fought for a better world to live in when i was younger,by the way===i still do,but it's a fight who never can be won,too many contradictions,
anxiety,false beliefs in a world which is based on egocentrism,power,improving self imago,be it political,
racist,religious,sexist,but my dreams==just like your's,by the way..are shattered,put into a waste bin,an illusion,utopia?just believe in yourself and the little values you keep in your grey cells to continue life:smile:


Hello, thank you for you kind reply. The most frustrating thing it's that i can't really talk to anyone about that. The people i try to talk about it only was like "yeah...that sucks" or "Don't be like that" kind like trying to be supportive but really not understanding. I feel a weirdo. I don't connect with anything anymore.

Michantik 10-26-19 12:57 AM

GrayFox,
Not sure if you're still here, but for what it's worth, did you ever look at yourself and the way you feel from a birds eye view? Instead of picking apart one by one each topic that you disdain, find so sad, or are disinterested in... Think of the person YOU are. This general feeling you have tells me, and yourself, something about YOU...your uniqueness; yes, unique. And I certainly mean this in a good way! The eyes you look at the World from are caring eyes, intelligent, and PURE.
I won't get into the gory details of my plight and tribulations at this point, but I can tell you I have my own feelings about the world, my boredom, and pain. It's a struggle sometimes, but I'm also a caring person that has done alot of good... Like feeling mental hardship is actually one of them.
Not sure if this came out right, but if you're still around, believe me, I get it!

NRebeccaS 11-27-19 02:06 PM

Hi SirGrayFox, you sound like an intelligent, discerning person. I could certainly imagine I'd like you if we met in person. (Just curious; what is your first language? Your English reads nearly native.)
Being tired of current events and people is a feeling a lot of smart people share; you get good at spotting the patterns in things others say and do (I totally relate to how you feel about many conversations just consisting in everyone stating their pre-conceived opinions) and quickly feel you have already experienced everything.
But that's not the case. The terrible, but also wonderful, truth is that none of us knows what is going to happen in the next hour or day. It doesn't sound like you believe in God, but surely you agree that it is not you or me who controls what happens to us. There is something new in store; maybe it will not be pleasant, but it will remind you that you are alive. And I am convinced you are alive for a reason! Stay well. XO

SirGrayFox 05-11-20 02:19 AM

Hello everybody, thank you for your kind replies. I forgot about this post months ago and took long enough to answer because i forgot my password.


It's being quite some time since i post that and reading again now makes me fell weird. I still don't feel connect to the world but now with all the quarantine and stuff i feel strangely excited, first because i can stay at home away from stress but mainly because finally i can say something not boring happened, something historical and different and i'm living it, wish it was something good but at least it's something to change my perception of the world and maybe change the world itself. There are still stupidity in the world but things seems to be changing not sure if for good or for bad.
I'm not sure if i can explain how i feel today.

Also 4 months ago something wonderful happened to me, i took a vacation trip abroad to ease my mind and end up meeting a fantastic girl which by coincidence its from the same place as me, we fall i love and she's my girlfriend now! After 10 years being single, i wasn't even looking for this anymore and just like that, BAM! she' here. She's kind, supportive, intelligent, pretty and also has problems just like me and she's good to me and i try to be good and better to her. I tell her all the time that she deserve my best and i'm now looking to be better even thinking about starting therapy to help me and also to help her.

I've always being a curious person all this make me think that it is worth waiting to see what's in the horizon even when there's dark clouds on it who knows what the winds may bring. I couldn't imagine that one years from my first message things would change that much. I can't say the feeling i had before disappeared i'm still dishearted by many things but i'm glad i didn't took my life earlier.

Thank you for giving me your attention





Quote:

Originally Posted by NRebeccaS (Post 2935958)
Hi SirGrayFox, you sound like an intelligent, discerning person. I could certainly imagine I'd like you if we met in person. (Just curious; what is your first language? Your English reads nearly native.)
Being tired of current events and people is a feeling a lot of smart people share; you get good at spotting the patterns in things others say and do (I totally relate to how you feel about many conversations just consisting in everyone stating their pre-conceived opinions) and quickly feel you have already experienced everything.
But that's not the case. The terrible, but also wonderful, truth is that none of us knows what is going to happen in the next hour or day. It doesn't sound like you believe in God, but surely you agree that it is not you or me who controls what happens to us. There is something new in store; maybe it will not be pleasant, but it will remind you that you are alive. And I am convinced you are alive for a reason! Stay well. XO

Hello, i'm from South America. Funny thing that even before reading you message i end up getting to the same conclusion you advise me months earlier i wish i had seem you message before it would have save me the time. You even predicted the quarentine haha.
Thank you for you message.

Cheers

SirGrayFox 05-11-20 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Michantik (Post 2934176)
GrayFox,
Not sure if you're still here, but for what it's worth, did you ever look at yourself and the way you feel from a birds eye view? Instead of picking apart one by one each topic that you disdain, find so sad, or are disinterested in... Think of the person YOU are. This general feeling you have tells me, and yourself, something about YOU...your uniqueness; yes, unique. And I certainly mean this in a good way! The eyes you look at the World from are caring eyes, intelligent, and PURE.
I won't get into the gory details of my plight and tribulations at this point, but I can tell you I have my own feelings about the world, my boredom, and pain. It's a struggle sometimes, but I'm also a caring person that has done alot of good... Like feeling mental hardship is actually one of them.
Not sure if this came out right, but if you're still around, believe me, I get it!

Thank you for you message. I made me feel better back than sorry i didn't thank you before.

Prycejosh1987 12-01-20 12:57 PM

You belong in this world. You have to ask yourself why you feel depressed, and no longing. To have to confront the triggers to your suicidal mode. All the best.


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