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Chom 12-10-18 06:51 PM

Im 14 but already hating life and considering committing suicide
I don't know how to start of tbh. I hate myself I hate being with anyone but my gf but even then she's cheated on me before i remember she cheated on me and went with my ex best friend then he cheated on her and she came back to me i took her back of course cuz I'm weak I'm a pathetic piece of shit. I want to kill myself so badly but I'm afraid to because i don't want to be cursed by god. School is shit for me its gotten better i got suspended for fighting because of the suspension i started failing all of my classes but now I'm only failing 3 out of 7 of them ig thats better i used to be in honor society now i don't even think I'm going to be able to get into college. I hate to be around my father he's always trying to fight me but ill never hit him every single time I hear him i shake and look for any form just to get away from him he's never abused me physically but mentally its every moment he says I'm a failure and that he wishes he's never had me, he thinks I'm gay because I'm always sad all the time I'm pretty sure I'm depressed I'm not diagnosed but I'm always sad ill be happy around be just so it makes me stop focusing on my suicidal thoughts but I'm always sad or angry i have major mood swings that I've never had before its not cuz of puberty i became depressed last year. Im always afraid that my dad will grab me by the shirt or slap me just today abt an hour ago I'm eating dinner wit my family like always I'm quiet cuz I'm too scared to speak around my dad then he starts with whats with the attitude i didn't even do a thing ofc i get angry and argue with him i try not to argue but nun works. Now everything got taken away from me and the money i worked hard to get i worked really hard to earn my money i mow my nebours lawns and my dad took it all. My dad just now came into my room and slapped me twice saying to fight him i said no and he left calling me a coward and that i should just kill myself that I'm such a failure. Ive told him that I'm depressed but he called me weak minded and that he's not going to get counseling because he doesn't believe in that. I want to kill myself so badly but I'm afraid to do that cuz of religious reason i think i said earlier I'm also afraid to live i want to leave the house when I'm 18 but I'm afraid to take on the world i want to run away but know if i do i won't succeed in life cuz i didn't finish school. I feel trapped. My gf has changed a lot i don't think she'll ever cheat on me again she makes me happy but i don't get to see her that much because we have no classes with each other and only see each other on the bus or in between a couple classes. Why am i even bothering to type this theres nothing i can do my mother will most likely be deported next year back to mexico I'm very close to her but thats kind of fading my dad gets jealous that I'm close to her and not him he's always saying that I'm a pussy because i go to her always. I go to her because she listens to me and is kind to me i feel comfortable around her but she's gonna be gone soon. I'm so sad all the time that i don't even cry idk how thats even possible ill start to tear up but won't cry. I hate life i want to kill my self.

tigerlover 12-11-18 10:04 AM

listen chom,that's a whole rant here==i can imagine at your age going into mood swings..
I was a disco boy when in my teens,not moody,but over happy outgoing..
just let it all rest a bit,you don't hate life,you just dislike it the way it goes...
thanks for posting and becoming a member here...we listen...
get yourself into a philosophy of life where you can say...i saw it all...i am just me..and i will stay me..
that's what i call a life determination or attitude...life..is a road..travel it..:smile:

Chom 12-11-18 08:59 PM

Theres also shitty roads and great roads

Doug62 12-13-18 01:36 PM

Hi chin. Interesting post. Age 14 yes many things to worry and think about. I know it must be hard dealing with your Dad many kids have this problem when they are young. It seems you are withdrawing because of your feelings towards him. Focus on a way to mend this feeling toward him if possible. You got good grades before you can still get good grades again. Talk to a counselor about your feelings and how you can reconnect with your dad. Maybe write them down and leave it so he can read how your feeling. Dads don’t have the answers and they feel bad when their kids are not doing well. Not everyone knows how or what to do to help and sometimes what is said is not the best thing. You are all tied up inside with him and it seems like the best thing would be to try to heal this. I would start with someone who can help you understand your feelings than help you with your dad.

Doug62 12-13-18 01:37 PM

Sorry chom phone changed your name

Everyman 12-23-18 09:58 PM

Chom, 14 is tough for everyone. I'd never want to be 14 again but we all have gotta go through it. Stick around. It gets a lot better.

2ISAB 01-04-19 05:00 AM

Let her go. She's not a settle down girl. My wife cheated on me two times before I pulled the plug on her.

It's heartbreaking, but it really does get better. Besides, if she cared about your time together so would never have done what some countries still throw rocks at unfaithful women do.

Delete her number from your mind. Call life line. They help you even with a lost cat....meow lol

Keep your head up kid. And find a action movie star to follow for positive thoughts.

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