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Rusty Spoon 12-02-18 11:09 AM

I feel bipolar in my relationship
 
I have been married for almost 25 years to a woman I love very deeply. My problem is fighting,I hate it to the point I fear it and I know that there is no relationship in the world that there won't be fighting but honestly I avoid it by giving in even if I don't agree with her just to avoid the confrontation. When we fight I feel like I can never get a point across there for fighting is just a mute point to me because the more I try to get my point across the more I'm misunderstood and the worse the fight gets.
When we get along I feel like I can take on the world, I look at her and I feel all warm and connected to her. When she is mad I feel worthless, depressed, and confused by how I feel. I am either high as a kite or 6 feet under, there is no in between. Help.

out_of_town 12-03-18 01:45 PM

Maybe some marriage counselling would help? I to struggle with confrontation and fighting. It sucks everything out of me and I'll often just apologize even if I don't think I'm wrong. I've worked on this alot over the last 10 years and a book called "The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships" has really helped. Maybe it can help you too.

Rusty Spoon 12-05-18 06:54 AM

I Will look into that. Thank You. I have asked her to go to counsel with me, unfortunately that turns into a fight because she has a hard time with anything that maybe perceived as negative toward her. I will definitely look into the book. I believe if this issue gets solved it will be 100 % me working it out.

out_of_town 12-05-18 01:49 PM

I've been in the same spot as you. My ex refused to go to couples counselling, or to work on our relationship, after I spent the time to better myself. My current fiancee was very much the same at first, but after we went it helped a great deal. For me, I had to present her with an ultimatum. It can be an uphill battle for sure.


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