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-   -   What Is Happening? (https://www.takethislife.com/love-relationships/what-happening-288272/)

KelpField 09-04-18 05:15 AM

What Is Happening?

Okay, y'all, Imma give a scenario (I'll keep it as neutral as possible, so there's no bias):
"Two people were in a relationship for about 3 years. To be entirely honest, it wasn't the healthiest relationship. One of them (Person A) would constantly get upset at the littlest thing that the other would do (even breathing the wrong way, no exaggeration). When they would become upset (which was at least 1-3 times a week), they'd completely ignore the other person (Person B) as they attempted to apologize for whatever it is they did to upset the other person, even if it was extremely trivial. Person A also broke up Person B a couple of times when they decided to lash out about being ignored during issues. During this time, Person A would flirt with another person and act as though Person B were completely mentally unstable. (Even telling some of Person B's personal issues) Person B was usually heartbroken when this would happen, often becoming obsessive and begging the other person to come back. Usually, Person A would wait until this phase had worn off to have Person B come over, start a big fight (One, to my knowledge involving very slight taunting with a knife), and eventually have make-up sex to get back together. Person B woild typically be elated after this, and stick very closely and loyally to Person A's side. However, when the cycle would repeat (Person A, becoming upset constantly, Person B becoming obsessed with their happines, etc.), Person B would turn to another person (Whom we'll call Person C). Person C was a "love interest" of Person B's for a long time, even throughout their relationship with Person A. Person B was known to fib and even tell entire elaborate stories if it meant they wouldn't be to blame for causing conflict, so Person B always denied this when asked about this attraction by Person A; however, Person A still requested that Person B not speak with Person C. Person B agrees, but does not make good on it. Person C makes Person B feel important in their life, and even takes them places when Person A refuses to go. One night, after a particularly bad fight with Person A, Person C asks Person B for explicit photos, and they agree, and send them. A couple of months later, after an increase in fights, Person B decides to ask Person A for a break from the relationship, and Person A immediately breaks up with them. Little did Person B know that Person A had the info for much of thier social media, and had been watching the conversations of Persons B and C. They begin sending threatening sounding voicemails, messages, and even pictures They also tell Person A lies such as 'Person B told me you were a rapist.' 'Person B said you two had sex', etc. Person B feels absolutely awful about what they did, and suddenly realizes that Person C is now married, and Person A has all the power in the world to tell the spouse what happened. Because of this, Person B vows to Person A that they will do absolutely anything if they promise not to get Person C in trouble. Person A agrees, and Person B cannot tell ANY form of lie, fib, or even keep any personal thoughts to themselves. After about a month, Person B is decides to keep a thought to themselves, and Person A immediately chews them out for hiding things and tells the spouse everything. Person C now hates Person B, tells them they are awful, blames them for everything, and never speaks to them again. Person A also stops speaking to Person B, and they are left with only their two closest friends (people who helped Person B get through their emotions). Throughout this time Person B never attempts to contact Person C, but instead, tries apologizing to Person A for months on end, until Person A finally tells them to give up. Person B is heartbroken, but slowly begins to heal. They find someone new, and begin a new relationship. Throughout this time, Person B makes a promise to themselves that they would not hide anything from this person. Person B immediately tells them about the incident with Persons A and C, and are shocked when this new person completely accepts them. However, they are still extremely depressed (situational depression) over the fact that Person A hates them. After some time (about a year), Person A suddenly makes an appearance, acting slightly nicer, and VERY SLOWLY getting friendlier over the course of a couple of months. Person B is now ecstatic that they are not completely hated by Person A, and spends hours on the phone with them catching up and even letting out some deeply pent up feelings. During this time, Person A also begins talking to Person B's BEST friend since 5th grade. Person A ends up convincing this best friend to come to their house and sleep with them. Person B finds out the next day and is absolutely crushed. While they are met with immediate admission and apologies from their friend, Person A simply explains to them that they have mo reason to be mad, since their friend is an adult and can make their own decisions. Person B, while still angry, decides to suck it up. A few weeks later, Person B, their friend, and Person A decide to hang out. They all wind up at Person A's place, where Person A begins touching both of them inappropriately. Person B becomes angry, gets up, and starts texting their partner to tell them what was going on. Once they find out, Person B's partner calls up one of Person A's friends to tell them to to "fuck off". Person A insists that Person B started all of it. Person B becomes furious and blocks them everywhere they can. A couple months later (present) they decide to try the friendship one more time. However, the day after they begin speaking again, Person A messages the friend again to attempt to bring them over to have sex. The friend shows Person B, and Person B is, again, furious. They tell Person A to stop, and Person A says that they are being unfairand unreasonable. They also say that it is Person B's fault that they have such a casual attitude towards sex because they cheated on them. Person B then reminds Person A of all the mental strain they went through during their relationship, and explains that the believe their feelings are valid, even thought they can't think of a good reason behind them."
So, what is your take? Who is being unreasonable here? What do you think is an okay solution, and feel free to add anything else you'd like.

kh440 09-04-18 04:37 PM

Have you ever heard the adage "how many times do you have to burn your hand before you stop touching a hot stove"? (Or some variations) It's the same principle.

The short answer: B needs to leave A alone once and for all. It's the only way B is ever going to get off that roller coaster. Ask me how I know.....

Fortress12 09-06-18 12:18 PM

Yes, B should stay out of A's life. B does not deserve to be dragged around by A. Even if they don't agree with A's choices, B doesn't have a say. They should keep their sanity and ignore/block A entirely from their brain.

kh440 09-10-18 08:18 PM

If "B" is somehow hoping things will magically work out with "A" and they will live happily ever after, well, B shouldn't hold his/her breath.

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