Hurt myself, not sure if itís going to heal without scars. Help.
I had just cut myself a few days ago, and I havenít been able to find anything similar to what my cuts look like. They have a deep red around them, but they arenít deep, and I can see the yellow of bruising beginning to form around them. They arenít warm to the touch or oozing. They are very superficial and look worse than they are. I have been terrified my mom is going to find out. I am embarrassed and ashamed of what I did, and I just donít know why they are so red around the small cuts. I bought a bunch of medical supplies and have been putting neosporin on them and sometimes covering them up. Now Iím just afraid my mom will find out because of how much my bill at cvs was and that she may find all the supplies I am using. I am wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this before and if there is any advice to help with the healing process? Thank you in advance.
A little about myself, I have been struggling with depression for 10+ years and have an eating disorder. I recently went through a break up with the man I still believe is my soulmate and the love of my life. He moved to Colorado to start his life over after his fathers death, and felt like he wouldnít do what he needed to do if he was in a relationship. I understand this, but have no been dealing with it very well. My father passed away almost 4 years ago. I have finally been technically single for about a year, but I have never actually been alone. I have not coped well with this and have been drinking. I told myself if I only drank every few days it was ok, but I end up drinking in excess when I do drink. A few days ago, I was hanging out with friends, one of whom is an ex. I have relied on him heavily and because upset when he was flirting with a girl and not even trying to hang out with me. I ended up self harming myself because of my feelings of jealousy, sadness, and anger, and told him it was his fault. He told me he now needs time before he can talk to or see me again and isnít sure how he can ever trust me again. As I said before, I feel very ashamed of what I did, and now Iím just hoping I havenít caused irreparable damage to my friend ship and to myself.
Sounds like the wound area is a bit infected, try and keep it clean but also try to keep it "breathing".
I am sorry to say but my opinion, you can not blame your ex for flirting with another girl, you are only friends now. So you have to put yourself in his shoes. He is alowed to flirt with other woman if he is not spoken for already.
So it is not his fault, you chose to put the blame on him because it is easier that way. I am sorry if you dont like what i am saying, but i am speaking from what i have read.
I know you have self harm problems, i hurt myself in other ways as to physically harming myself where i need medical attention. So i know how it feels to keep things hidden, trust me on that. If you do not want your mom to find the supplies, then you must get a good hiding place for it.
Have you seen a therapist before? I am sorry to hear about you losing your father. I can not relate to that feeling, my dad was diagnosed with cancer almost a year ago. They removed 2/3 of his right lung. But today he is cancer free and that makes me extremely happy!
If you are scared that you have destroyed the friendships that you have, then try and fix it. Do not wait for things to fix themself, or wait for your ex to come fix it. Saying sorry doesnt kill anyone. Just understand that it might take time before he will trust you again.
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