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Adam87 07-25-18 10:14 PM

Feeling obsessed with an attraction
I think this has happened to me in the past but it seems at times in my life I have an obsession with a specific woman knowing I most likely canít have her while at the same time Iím not sure I want to. Iíve been single and living by myself since 2012 and at first I got used to just keeping myself occupied/distracted heavily with what I enjoy but itís become frequent that I feel I want to be in a relationship. I want to be alone tho in fear of losing that person again and being hurt every time. I feel like when Iím physically attracted to someone I feel like they overpower me Iím brought to my knees by them without their knowing just how strong their beauty is. I try to fight it I try to let go by letting myself appreciate and admire other women who look pretty in random stores. I already formed a friendship with this woman tho and even decided to work together on a project so I feel uncomfortable/awkward to back out of that decision. I just want to move on with my life and be okay with an alone lifestyle. I try to help myself by trying to feel numb to idealization and how itís just an impossible thought anyway that it could ever happen nor is that other person attracted or interested. I was asked how old I was by her after uploading a selfie she requested for an art portrait study and I feel it lead me on for a tad until she considered herself my ďelderĒ as a joke cuz sheís a year older than me. I just want this old love obsession I had in my younger days to be over with.

daftone 07-26-18 05:10 PM

So... to be clear, how well do you know this person? Are you good friends? Close friends? How much do you know about them?

This attraction, is it just chemical? Is it your pupils dilating upon studying her face? Is it your heart pounding when your eyes meet? Or is it those things, and also that you can speak to positive things about her personality and interests?

I think these are the questions you should ask yourself before you decide you really like someone. You may be of an age where it can be difficult to differentiate between an infatuation and something deeper.

If you don't really know the answer to these questions, that's fine too. Have you considered simply asking her out, to help you to get to know her better? She may handle that maturely and just say she's not interested. If she's not as mature or if she has other problems she may be dealing with, she may get really weird about it. I guess that's the worst that could happen, but either way, a no is your answer on YOU should do about it: do your best to move on.

She COULD also say yes.

That would be interesting, wouldn't it?

SensualGirl 07-27-18 06:21 PM


Originally Posted by Adam87 (Post 2910386)
I just want to move on with my life and be okay with an alone lifestyle.

Looks like you know what you really want.:hug:

You can't control other people.

Just my two cents.

Good luck.

Adam87 07-30-18 12:52 PM

Thank you for your response guys. This woman is basically on the other side of the country so half or maybe even more of me feels its a waste/pointless anyway. A good amount of her music interests and things shes into thats common with me is what has drawn me to her and goes towards liking her aside from her looks. I try to tell myself to consider the things I dislike and see thats its just the outside im drawn to. I met her online and for awhile im pretty sure ill only know her that way because she is a super private person and basically has her personal information off the grid as far as her real name so of course i know its silly to think i know enough to like her. I want to be able to not be interested at all and more so be a friend i can keep in touch with occassionally and not even frequent. to be specific i would say (yes its def creepy of me but im just trying to be honest) that its strictly her face. i just embrace that some people are just gifted with such a face that they dont even have to try and it posesses my eyes without their knowing nor is it their intention i feel people just like to be presentable i cant shame them for that, but yet its just a very strong thing that affects me. i feel eventually after i collaborate with her and maybe oneday meet her it may actually be even easier to know im just doing business with someone which is something i nor/she would want to jeopardize.

Adam87 11-18-18 03:20 AM

I feel i have to respond to this again as im still struggling with it. Its still her but these days ive realized its more cons than pros and it outweighs anything positive i thought i saw of this woman when in reality it was always just a trick for someone to get money and prove they arent taking the steps necessary to be independent. Im more comfortable not associated with that type of person anymore but yet im still drawn to her externally that sometimes it still tears me apart.

SensualGirl 11-28-18 08:38 PM

Is the oxytocin worth the cortisol?

Adam87 12-08-18 11:48 PM

? Not sure what you mean but its still driving me mad. Im thinking of a medication change when i see my psychiatrist soon. This is the deepest crush i ever had that shouldn’t be. Im very confused. Im battling myself thinking whether i feel lonely or dont want to be & maybe its just normal & expected that eventually id fall attracted to a woman again after 7 years. I try to keep busy, i work on hobbies, keep up with chores & fixing things. She just never leaves me. Its like her face haunts me to the point I sometimes force myself to look for someone more attractive. Harsh of me..i know.

SensualGirl 12-09-18 02:32 AM

Mindfulness meditation might help you with the obsessive thoughts.

Adam87 12-13-18 05:48 PM

Ill have to try that thank you.

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