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stirfry 06-28-18 10:59 AM

Controlling
 
My sibling is effectively killing the relationship between us, just by being very controlling and demanding and oh yes a bitch. I'm now internalizing her demanding questions: if I go in my bathroom, see that I have too many toothbrushes, I immediately hear her asking, "Why do you have so many toothbrushes? Why don't you throw most of them out?"
and I hear myself answering, "Why don't you fuck off?"

Then I go in another room and imagine her demanding to know when I'm going to clean and organize the entire place. I mentally answer, "When are you going to fuck off?"

I'm not going to relate the entire stream of events that led to my feeling this way; it's a repeating thing that has occurred many times between us, and this is just the latest. But now I think I despise her.

And I feel angry all the time now. My own autonomy and decision-making matter a great deal to me, perhaps more than ever before. The disrepect you show someone by trying to control them is pretty powerful, and history between you can make it much worse.

SensualGirl 06-28-18 09:08 PM

I can relate. I was once using the bathroom while my sister was in there and she said, get this, "oh you know, you really shouldn't wipe like that." If you're 35 and don't even know how to wipe yourself, call it quits.

Do you live with her?

InSearchOfPeople 06-30-18 02:20 AM

Those are narcissists. They are control freaks. The only way to deal with them is to go no contact or limited contact and strong boundaries.

My mom always criticize how I pack the trash, she would redo it or tell me to redo it. WTF. I told her a few times last times that occurred: don't bother me with this again, I have more important stuff to worry about, if that's important for you - you redo it.

It's important to be independent from those people, so you can keep the boundaries in place.

EmpatheticThoughts 06-30-18 02:24 AM

Yeah, I've had that happen within my own romantic relationships and I've had that happen with my father. I know how you feel. I am in no way trying to invalidate or dismiss your feelings, but when I feel like this.. I get angry like you initially but then I think about what I'm thankful for. I count the things I am happy about. That has been a great strategy to keep my anger in check. Really, I remind myself that in the grand scheme of life, this moment is not important. I guess I use a combination of mindfulness and practicing gratitude.

stirfry 06-30-18 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SensualGirl (Post 2907634)
I can relate. I was once using the bathroom while my sister was in there and she said, get this, "oh you know, you really shouldn't wipe like that." If you're 35 and don't even know how to wipe yourself, call it quits.

Do you live with her?

No, I don't live with her. Thanks for making me laugh -- my sister is capable of saying something like that too!

EmpatheticThoughts 06-30-18 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stirfry (Post 2907814)
Quote:

Originally Posted by SensualGirl (Post 2907634)
I can relate. I was once using the bathroom while my sister was in there and she said, get this, "oh you know, you really shouldn't wipe like that." If you're 35 and don't even know how to wipe yourself, call it quits.

Do you live with her?

No, I don't live with her. Thanks for making me laugh -- my sister is capable of saying something like that too!

If you can't cry, you might as well. That was a burnnn

SensualGirl 07-01-18 07:29 AM

What was a burn?


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