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Andino 08-09-17 11:18 PM

Not happy
So I had the first check over things today with psychologist and it seemed pretty much as expected. Went over many basics, missed others, and she listened.

She said I need to see the psychiatrist for medications, and to begin a course of therapy, to address childhood abuses - with that she said all the more recent stuff will be so much easier to deal with.

I left feeling a bit empty, nothing felt advanced in any way. Went back to head doctor and he noted he will be in touch with reference of psychiatrist and psychologist.

Thing is, all afternoon and to now, I have felt steadily worse about it all. I feel really uncomfortable and don't think I want the therapy side. I'm ok with talking but don't know what I'm supposed to get out of it, kt doesn't make me feel good - the opposite in fact, digging up wounds and feelings I don't want and I don't feel are affecting me now. Sure, they gave me my depression but that's a part of me now.

With the violence of my ex I had to do these small psychological checks which were similar to this today. They all said I needed immediate therapy and I came out shaking and feeling worse.

I am very interested to know what medications might do for me, but not the therapy.

Is this wrong??

John569 08-10-17 08:13 PM


I am far from an expert. I feel medications only make things worse or prolong them or mask the pain. I self medicated with marijuana for 30 years and quit cold turkey 5 weeks ago. I seem to have leveled off with my ups and downs. I wish I had a good answer. Keep fighting for the life you want.

Andino 08-11-17 12:43 AM

Thanks, John.

I also self medicated years back, most drugs and a lot of alcohol.

As I've never taken a single anti-depressant I want to know if they can clear or block the soul destroying feeling that cripples me every day, that doesn't allow me to concentrate in anything I should be doing.

I know my depression came from my childhood, I moved 6'000 miles from family and others that abused me. I moved on, my depression came and lived with me, manifested and thrived in the heartbreak of my divorce and violence of my ex.

Yet I'm being told I have to address my childhood to be fine with all. I don't want those scars reopened, I cannot be healed in my mind, I just want to block the deep, deep lows of depression if possible with meds, concentrate and do my work and somehow have feelings and genuinely smile when I'm with my kids.

It's not much to ask.

Oh, and I was given a contact for a psychiatrist this afternoon. Will see tomorrow afternoon. Some of that above I need to say and elaborate on but likely some other puny shit will come out of my mouth.

I took my tranquilizer an hour ago but just want to vent :(

John569 08-11-17 08:13 PM

Not sure blocking will do good in long run. Constant activity and friendships might. But I have no experience with meds at all.

Andino 08-14-17 05:39 PM

I'd need friendships and a more understanding partner to have more activities, which I do think would help.

Anyhow, that psychiatrist was great. So much difference. Listened, some good input with empathy (one particular thing from these years he has had in his life), and not pushing towards things I don't feel I want. Decided on medications and maybe some months down the line perhaps some psychotherapy.

Left without the bad feelings, just some apprehension over how meds work. Now on them (three different) a couple of days so far and not much change aside from a lot of sleepiness.

John569 08-15-17 07:05 PM

Hope your doing good. I'm working 15 hours a day. Exhausted. Got cut off at 80mph on the highway. It's been 6 weeks no weed for me and my dreams are crazy.

Andino 08-15-17 07:53 PM

Take care of yourself out there John, too many crazy people on the roads (I ride and here people don't respect the rules, twice hit by taxis). More so if you're driving tired also.

Here a strange day. Partner fighting and ruining the morning. Boss half threatening to replace me yet put on her to-do list a free trip for me to a certain very nice place - asked me who I'd prefer to go with, as long as same sex. Bad reputation from a previous trip of which I'm innocent!

Oh, and medications don't seem to be doing much. My reading up seems to say they can take a couple of weeks to make much effect so sticking with them.

SensualGirl 08-20-17 06:26 AM

Good luck to you!

Andino 08-21-17 12:17 PM


Originally Posted by SensualGirl (Post 2698618)
Good luck to you!

Thank you dear :hug:

midnightphoenix 08-21-17 04:28 PM

Good luck Andino :hug:

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