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Lost45 03-17-17 02:15 PM

Addicted to self harm
 
I took to harming myself a couple years back. Since then a lot has happened. My mom found out and she convinced me not to. But it was not long before that I needed the release again. I think that I find myself at peace when I finally see the results. But as soon as I realise what I have done I feel guilty and then drink myself to sleep. Nobody knows that I self harm. I have a lot of trust issues and hence keep my feelings to myself only in real life. I tried to throw my things away but I always seem to find other ways to harm myself. I really need someone to tell me what to do. I look down at myself and loose it. I have depression and a mild case of anxiety.

Lost45 03-23-17 09:17 PM

I harmed myself again. It's like this non stop cycle. No matter what I feel or think or do or something happens to me, harming is the answer for me. I know this is nit the appropriate behaviour, but I am at a loss here. In that moment of anxiety or stress or depression, it's the best option available which helps me calm down. I have tried to stop a couple of times but failed Time and again. I feel like everything is my fault. From me waking up in the morning to me breathing,I feel guilty about everything. There are nights when I can't sleep. I seldom sleep at night. Hardly 4 to 5 hours. Even if I sleep I have nightmares and sometimes they are unbearable and make me paranoid. And hence I harm myself to relieve myself of the anxiety that it causes. If though I once in a blue moon get to sleep better than rest of the days, I don't want to wake up the next morning.
It was just my mind which was messed up at first. Hence I harmed myself. And now my body is a mess too.

Black Sheep 03-24-17 10:08 PM

have you ever seen a professional about this?

Enddays 03-25-17 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lost45 (Post 2627362)
I harmed myself again. It's like this non stop cycle. No matter what I feel or think or do or something happens to me, harming is the answer for me. I know this is nit the appropriate behaviour, but I am at a loss here. In that moment of anxiety or stress or depression, it's the best option available which helps me calm down. I have tried to stop a couple of times but failed Time and again. I feel like everything is my fault. From me waking up in the morning to me breathing,I feel guilty about everything. There are nights when I can't sleep. I seldom sleep at night. Hardly 4 to 5 hours. Even if I sleep I have nightmares and sometimes they are unbearable and make me paranoid. And hence I harm myself to relieve myself of the anxiety that it causes. If though I once in a blue moon get to sleep better than rest of the days, I don't want to wake up the next morning.
It was just my mind which was messed up at first. Hence I harmed myself. And now my body is a mess too.

Hi Lost45, can you remember those nightmares of yours? Would you like to share them with us? I believe that a nightmare (or any dream) is a message from the subconcious mind to the concious mind and it is telling you something important. Maybe some forum member might be able to analyze your nightmares for you.:thumbsup:

Lost45 03-28-17 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black Sheep (Post 2627930)
have you ever seen a professional about this?

Not many people in my life know about this. In fact nobody does. And i am afraid to tell anyone. I have a lot of trust issues and there seems noone there to whom i could confine this to.
PS I harmed myself again. I was feeling very low. I know that this behavior is not correct but I need the release.

Lost45 03-28-17 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enddays (Post 2627986)
Hi Lost45, can you remember those nightmares of yours? Would you like to share them with us? I believe that a nightmare (or any dream) is a message from the subconcious mind to the concious mind and it is telling you something important. Maybe some forum member might be able to analyze your nightmares for you.:thumbsup:

The common nightmares are the ones where i am dying. As in someone is watching me. And is waiting for the chance to finish me. I also have dreams wherein I commit suicide. I see myself lying there, motionless, as the world goes about me unaffected.

Lost45 03-28-17 12:15 PM

I tried to stop. But failed miserably. I wish i could just stop myself. But sometimes i think that i savor the pain. Like it is what is building me. Like it is what is taking me forward in life. The irony is that i harm myself to make myself feel better in my own skin.
My studies are suffering because of this. And i am no good at any end.

Enddays 03-28-17 01:25 PM

With a lot of determination and willpower, it is possible to influence the outcome of dreams. I am by all means an expert of dreams and psycaratry, but death does not necessarily mean the end of life. It could probably mean the end of a habbit, a life style, a relationship, a sorrow or a worry. Years ago I was trying to gain comfort from tarrot readings. When I looked deeper into it, the card of death does not mean physical death at all. I believe I can relate this to dreams. Have you ever considered taking a different approach, like hypnosis or past time regression to reveal what unrests you?

Lost45 03-29-17 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enddays (Post 2629514)
With a lot of determination and willpower, it is possible to influence the outcome of dreams. I am by all means an expert of dreams and psycaratry, but death does not necessarily mean the end of life. It could probably mean the end of a habbit, a life style, a relationship, a sorrow or a worry. Years ago I was trying to gain comfort from tarrot readings. When I looked deeper into it, the card of death does not mean physical death at all. I believe I can relate this to dreams. Have you ever considered taking a different approach, like hypnosis or past time regression to reveal what unrests you?

Hey, could u please elaborate the procedure for the thing that you mentioned above? I did not quite get you. I got that death doesn't have to be physical death, but hypnosis and time regression? I kinda don't understand that.

Enddays 03-29-17 06:44 AM

Hi Lost45, long time ago, approximately 10 years or more, when I started to crack up, I tried to get comfort from spiritualism, looked advice from clairvoyants and mediums (spirit healers). I learned quite a bit about metitation and how to quieten the mind (which, at this stage, worked to some degree). I went then on and purchased self hypnosis CDs and brain wave stiulation CDs to 'redirect' my mind. One person (can't remember the name of her), was a lady who recorded one of those CDs, suggested via email, I should seek advise from a psycotherapist, one who could do a past life reqression under hypnosis. I have read about people who believe they have had lifes before their present ones. A good psycho therapist can unlock the brain by means of deep trance hypnosis (this has something to do with brain waves) and while the patient is under deep trance hypnosis the therapist can ask questions with regards to another life the pationt could have had and also past events which the happened in the past of the present life but the brain blocked out for whatever reason. I have never had the courage to undergo a past life regression, I don't need proof that I am a re-incarnation of evil like Hitler or Stalin or Idi Amin.

If you interested in this sort of thing, have a look on the net, Dr Professor Laure Gigorio was sort of an expert, although dead for some years, assosiates keep her site going. There is a lot to find about hypnotherapy and past time regression on the net as well.

I hope this clears thins up a bit for you. Good luck with it. :thumbsup:


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