Im so done with this damn life
Im done with everything, im done with how ugly i look im done with how uncoordinated i am, im done with how i never know when enough is enough, im done with letting people down, im just done with everything.
I was expelled from school for being an idiot and throwing that down the drain, i let my family down. I let myself down and now im probably gonna end up homeless. I know its nobodys fault but my own, and thats the reason i hate myself, because i know that when im about to do something stupid or idiotic that it will have repercussions but stupid me does it anyways.
I over eat, basically eat anything and everything, iv been shouted at multiple times by my parents but i keep doing it, do i was i could stop? Of course, but can i? Of course not. I because i have no willpower or self control, i feel like i am a burden on anyone who takes me in, my mom sent me to live with my dad since she obviously cant be arsed to look after some highschool drop out, no life, no talent idiot.. Yeah no talents, iv really thought long and hard about if i can do something great.. You know something that i outshine others by far? Nope nothing.
Right now i got a message from my dad saying he is taking away most of my privileges because my brother ate some shit in the fridge and he thinks it was me... I tried to explain and he gave me the whole, im tired of being the nice guy story! I dont know what to do, i work online and every friend i have is online.. My family are all sporty and athletic, i can hardly throw a ball straight.
I am anti social, all i do is sit in my room, but thats were i feel happy and safe, where nobody is looking at me and i can just be myself, no pressure or people whispering about how ugly or unhealthy i am!
Yes i do try go to the gym, but do i loose weight? No, do i get stronger? No... I am also lucky number one in my family, first diabetic, type 1 got it when i was 2! So yeah thats another " fuck you" from life...
I want to apologise for making you read my sad story, and my feeling sorry for myself but i needed to rant and get it off my chest before i completely explode and end my poor excuse for a life!
Anyways yea im probably gonna just go do what i always do, play some video games.
thanks for reading guys
Sounds like you really dug yourself a hole and all the negative things you wrote in your post, you probably tell yourself all the time over and over, those negative thoughts are bad for you and make you feel worse.
It okay to not be sporty
Its okay to eat rubbish
Its okay to not know what your good at yet
You mentioned not being talented, most people don't think of themselves as talented, you have to start somewhere, for example an author doesn't just write a best selling novel, they start by writing lots of short stories, practicing, homing their craft. Rather than trying to find some super hidden talent, just find something you like doing, slowly but surely you will get better and better at it. Hey you might not go to the Olympics but me neither and that's okay!
Its okay to be you, so focus your energy on the things that make you happy, if you go to the gym now and then, great, if you find a hobby/interest that will make your life more social, great, if not well set yourself some goals (achievable ones) of things you want for your life and the person you want to be, for you, not anyone else, whatever you decide is okay! Its okay to be you!
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