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dave000 01-11-17 11:27 AM

Concerned about a close friend...
Hello all,

I'm writing here because I'm concerned about a close friend of mine who I've known for over 15 years. We're both 28 and male.

My friend has clinical depression and has had some difficult times in his life. He lost his father when he was 20 years old and suffered from eating disorders and self-harm during that time. He's a very sensitive soul and one of the kindest people I've known. I believe he has some co-dependency issues. He's always had girlfriends from the age of 14 without much time as a single person. He's always very unhappy when he's on his own and has struggled to end relationships even when the girl has treated him badly. He left school with good grades and has a university degree, but has never had a job in his life.

A few years ago he found himself a lovely sweet girlfriend, she was very attractive. We all (our friendship group) thought he did extremely well to get her and he agreed. He always expressed how lucky he was and that he was the happiest he'd ever been. She seemed to bring the best out of him - they even started their own little business together. His overall mood and motivation levels were the best they'd ever been. We were all so happy for him. He finally seemed sorted in life.

Last year, much to our surprise, he broke up with her. It seemed completely out of character for him and we heard she was devastated.

A couple of months later, he told us the truth. He 'came out' to us and is now dating another male. Surprised doesn't even begin to describe it. None of us ever suspected he was gay. We supported him and were proud of him for finding the courage to come out though.

As much as I would love to be happy for my friend, all I feel is great concern... Turns out his new partner is only 18 years old and still at college (and failing all his subjects). My friend doesn't get out of bed until 1pm and plays video games 12 hours a day with his new boyfriend. This has been going on for 6 months now and he doesn't seem to have any interest in finding himself a job. He's still living with his mother and I believe she'd be happy for her son to live with her forever as she's been a very lonely woman since her hubby passed away. :(

I'm really worried about him and don't want him to waste his life away. I've tried to talk to him about his potential future career and job search, but he gets over-sensitive and all it does is cause an argument. Is there anything I can do? I hope he comes to his senses soon, but I fear he won't.

missread 02-12-17 11:31 PM

Wow, just by how you told it, I would be surprised if that was my friend, too.

As for what to do... I really don't know. But I think it would be helpful if you let him know that you are there for him or thinking about him, even if it gets hard. The event of coming out probably changed a lot of things in his life and he needs to adjust.

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