Depression overshadowed by Alcoholic Mother, seen as Lazy for skipping College Course
First time poster.
My mother has recently fallen off the wagon and is drinking again. She says this is her last day, but I can't believe her anymore.
My father wants us to support him in being strict with our mom. We were supposed to sit down and talk with her as a family today, but I skipped class.
My family knows I've been skipping my college classes too often. Usually I only go one day a week. I lie to myself and to them, saying that I can afford to skip because the classes are just workshops, or I can get the homework done without attending. In reality I'm too embarrassed to see my teachers because I haven't explained my depression is the reason I'm struggling so hard. I'm afraid the professors think I just don't care, which is not true.
As a result, everyone thinks I'm a lazy procrastinator who sets myself up for failure and I have no one to blame but myself. My younger sister goes to class everyday, so they don't understand why I can't go as well.
I'm on medication. It helps, but not enough.
So today, my father told me we can't have a serious talk with my mother since I am not setting a good example for being self-disciplined or sticking to my commitments.
I feel like it's inappropriate for me to bring up my depression right now, because my family is already worrying about my mother's drinking. I don't think piling on will help.
I don't know what I'm looking for here, I just wanted someone to know, I guess
My definition of a lazy person is
1. a person who is deeply unhappy and doesn't want to show to others
2. Not enough motivated to work on a particular work.
According to me you fall in type 1. So don't accept negative words for yourself. We feel good about our self if we can be of use to someone. Here you are required for your family, may be the thought that your mom drinks is making you feel embarrassed from inside so you do not want to face her by directly talking and since you don't want anyone to know what you feel your thoughts are eating you away from inside and you are avoiding college, friends and even talking to your family.
But don't think of her as your mom, think of her as a good friend who needs your support to live a normal life again. If you think of her as mom you might start feeling like she should be taking care of me and not viceversa, why cannot she behave in matured manner like other moms etc etc...
May be by looking at her as a friend, taking this thing in new perspective will help you face it. Once you see her improving you will also feel like studying and improving yourself. All the best.
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