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Shar 05-10-16 12:03 PM

Brother suicide
My brother took his own life age 47 on April 29th 2016. He was the youngest of 7 children, my family are in turmoil as we did not know he was struggling so much with life, he did have a relationship problem but we thought he was getting through it. He left behind 4 boys aged 4, 7, 10 and 12 and a daughter 24. Can someone please advise on how we deal with this never knowing why he did it there was no note left. Thanks for reading

RavenDarkLight 05-11-16 10:05 PM

Hi Shar. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your brother. You and your family have my heartfelt sympathies.

When my uncle commit suicide 24 years ago, he didn't leave a note. On the outside it looked like he had everything going for him: a good job, a retirement pension waiting for him, a wife aND 2 adult children who were doing well. It was a huge shock when we found out he committed suicide.

I have no advice other than a pretty lame reply that I've heard other survivors say when they began recovering from the trauma of a suicide: sometimes we won't and will never understand why. My family came to think that my uncles pain was so much even he couldn't understand it, so we were not able to. My mom (he was her brother) and his wife often wondered what they could have done. But that's the tragedy of some suicides. Ultimately there is nothing we could have done. So we are left with the job of healing from the trauma as best we can, and sticking to the fact that it was not our faults or failures. Because it's normal to try to pin blame on ourselves for something we can't comprehend. Survivors of rape, war, and natural disasters can sometimes have what's called survivor guilt. It's a normal response to try to get a sense of control when a traUma happens. But it can get us even more upset and not any answers.

Please know you and your family are in my thoughts. Please be gentle and compassionate with yourself at this time of sorrow and trauma. Hugs

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