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-   -   Last guy I met has ED... or was it me? (https://www.takethislife.com/male-issues/last-guy-i-met-has-ed-239530/)

InSearchOfPeople 02-28-16 11:26 PM

Last guy I met has ED... or was it me?
 
I met the guy. (I have a post about him somewhere in the relationships). I liked him a lot, but he very much rushed into sex (of course). And I let that happen, since I liked him more than anybody in the last couple year (I met a lot of people...).

So he couldn't get it up for a minute, that he could, then he lost it....My first reaction was "you don't like me". He said "it's always like that in the beginning".

I prefer to think the problem is not in me but I do have doubts of course.

He has little to no experience in sex (he is younger, I am suspecting, he had maximum 2 women before me in his life). And he told me that he didn't have a problem like this with the girl before me (6 months ago). So that made me think, that it must be me then!

Second time he came (next day), he didn't have a problem. We enjoyed it.

Then couple days later he came and he had a problem again. I tried to play cool, but it is as bad for me as it is bad for him. Because it drops my self esteem and confidence to below zero.

I got mad and told him that he probably don't like me that much. He assured me it was not the case. He managed to get it up, it was super quick. In the morning he couldn't get it up again, though he tried (I pretended I didn't see as if I was sleeping).

I am not seeing him anymore. But it put a serious doubt and a hole in my confidence as a woman (I know some things and have some experience).

I haven't had this problem except for one more guy I was involved with.

The other one, I took my time with. We were actually meeting on and off for almost a year before we had sex. I wanted to feel comfortable and build more connection (essential for women) and when I felt we had it and everything was going smooth leading to the bedroom, he had a hard time getting it up and keeping it up.

There are 2 possible cases.

1) I am kinda intimidating to the guys (could be, I don't know if that's the case) and trying to impress me, they get an anxiety or performance. But I don't want to believe this, because I had another guy in between these two and that one had absolutely no problem there.

I am in a good shape, not best (but may be I am too critical sometimes), very pretty (got a new job in modeling recently), calm and kinda submissive (not dominating or intimidating). So I would think, I am not the problem.

2) both guys are in sports (MMA type). And may be most guys in sports have this problem, since they have a lot of training and pressure and taking all those supplements and stuff (steroids possibly). The one in between them (who didn't have a problem) wasn't in any sports professionally.

What do you guys think?

lucid lunacy 03-04-16 03:30 AM

I'll admit I haven't had such an issue but it's true that stress can make it harder to get and maintain an erection as do steroids and most drugs; recreational of course but antidepressants are even worse and can cause a lot of different sexual dysfunctions. Otherwise, age or obesity are common factors, it's a lot more common the older you get.

It's also possible to just not be in the mood although context would tell you that much. Men are often presented as insatiable sexually but that's not accurate. Sex drives vary and sometimes it's women that have the higher one.

I don't think your appearance could be it, if they weren't interested to begin with, they wouldn't have accepted to date you in the first place.

Uncomfortably Numb 03-09-16 10:53 AM

I don't think it was you, or at least not in the way you mean. Performance anxiety was probably the issue for both guys you mentioned (although medication or something like steroids could be issues too). I've experienced it myself, and it's pretty sucky! Basically it's where you worry too much about getting/staying hard, which makes it impossible to stay in the moment and enjoy yourself.

For future reference, it's important to not put too much pressure on your partner when this happens. Getting mad at them or saying that they probably don't like you will only put more pressure on them, and will likely make the problem worse. Instead, just enjoy their company, and don't make a big deal out of it. Assume that it doesn't have anything to do with you, be patient, and things will likely resolve themselves.

InSearchOfPeople 03-10-16 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncomfortably Numb (Post 2426426)
I don't think it was you, or at least not in the way you mean. Performance anxiety was probably the issue for both guys you mentioned (although medication or something like steroids could be issues too). I've experienced it myself, and it's pretty sucky! Basically it's where you worry too much about getting/staying hard, which makes it impossible to stay in the moment and enjoy yourself.

For future reference, it's important to not put too much pressure on your partner when this happens. Getting mad at them or saying that they probably don't like you will only put more pressure on them, and will likely make the problem worse. Instead, just enjoy their company, and don't make a big deal out of it. Assume that it doesn't have anything to do with you, be patient, and things will likely resolve themselves.

Thank you for the information.

I think I was staying as chill as possible about that. I actually broke up with him twice already and never, not even once, mentioned anything about that. ( you know how people get mad and say hurtful stuff, thankfully I managed to not do that).
And last time it was much better, though I still think I need to break up with him for good.

ThatUncertainFeeling 04-30-17 09:17 PM

The "it's always like that in the beginning" excuse might be valid. I can speak from experience. Ive had trouble in the past when I'm with someone new, even if it's someone I'm very attracted to. Although usually my problem was "finishing". Not having developed a chemistry with someone can make it difficult to relax in those situation. You're so focused on what you're doing you cant really enjoy it.


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