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Blankstare 04-02-09 03:54 AM

gaining weight and im freaked out
 
Ok ... heres a fast review or my weight history

150 pounds for about 5 years ... like size 12-13

under 120 pounds about a size 5

134 pounds size 9

i was in high school trying to do the barf thing but i didnt enjoy throwing up ...

then i just ate every other day or skip two days and eat very very little ...

but now i have these days where ... im not small anymore but still have this feeling that i need food and alot of it so i eat ALOT ... binge i guess then eat once the next day like a sandwhich ... or only half of it ...

i have "these pudgy little sides that stick outta my pants and a tummy that is way not flat ...

IM FREAKING OUT ...

it wasnt hard for me to starve myself and i feel like its the best way to keep looking good ...

and when im not a size 5 i feel more depressed then ever ... so yeah ... ive never been a size 2 or 0 though i cant get there i have a bigger from fer that ... i was skeletal at under 120 above 115 but even though i know this my want to be skinny over rules it!

what do you suggest what do you do to not freak out...

And the person i live with bought a scale and i sneek into her room to weight myself since i have been banned from scales altogether....

i cant stop wantin to trace my weight my scale trips ...

Scarling 04-02-09 03:04 PM

I suggest therapy to not freak out ... not eating puts you at risk for heart attack, your hair and teeth fall out, your skin goes dry, your body starts eating its organs for energy (hence the heart attack risk, not to mention you lose basic thinking skills).

*hugs* I really really think you should see a therapist about this, while you still have a possibility of recovering.

TheLostAlmostWoman 04-02-09 10:11 PM

***Hugs*** The breathing thing really helps with anxiety. My therapist tells me to put my hand on my stomach and take deep, slow breaths. If you sing... think breathe from the diaphram.

:) L.W.

Blankstare 04-02-09 10:19 PM

thank you fer your replys

im gonna try to chill out ... but this is easier said then done

TheLostAlmostWoman 04-02-09 10:24 PM

Haha, I hear you there. Deep, controlled breathing. Keep venting or talking if it makes you feel better... it helps me knowing that I am not going through all my feelings alone.

Did anything in particular trigger this anxiety attack, the current feelings of overwhelm?

;) --L.W.

GLP 04-02-09 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blankstare (Post 255375)
thank you fer your replys

im gonna try to chill out ... but this is easier said then done


Would exercise help?
Sometimes it helps me a lot, even if my weight or shape doesn't change.
It just makes me feel like, well, I'm doing the best I can for myself and don't need to feel guilty about eating, or occupying space, or anything else.

(I'm also formerly eating disordered, by the way).

Blankstare 04-02-09 10:32 PM

well the weird thing about me is i never got the work out like nuts and easting disorder thing which is so common ...

i just rather starve then work out i guess ...

im so lazy i gotta get myself to work out ... but i always look at a plate of food and say to myself ... "dont eat no work out needed"

such a wrong way to think but still thats how my mind takes it

GLP 04-02-09 10:37 PM

I wasn't clear, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean, would exercise help with your weight loss goal.
I meant, do you think it might help your state of mind, help you be more accepting of yourself?
I think it might.
It releases endorphins in your body, it makes you feel good, gives you a sense of well-being.
If you lose weight doing it, that's an extra added bonus, I guess.
But maybe you should try it, just for your state of mind.
Then you might not feel guilty about eating, don't you think?

Blankstare 04-02-09 10:41 PM

i do think so ...

well honestly i have worked out before and never felt this "feel better" thing .. i think my endorphines are broken ...

><

but yeah it would make me think that eating something wouldnt be so bad since ill work it off later

GLP 04-02-09 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blankstare (Post 255390)
i do think so ...

well honestly i have worked out before and never felt this "feel better" thing .. i think my endorphines are broken ...

><

but yeah it would make me think that eating something wouldnt be so bad since ill work it off later


That's the spirit! :smile:

I do hope you'll give it another try; sometimes it takes a few weeks of regular, sustained exercise before it really starts feeling good.
It can be hard to get started, but it's so worth it.


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