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-   -   For me grief lays in layers - and another layer has lifted (https://www.takethislife.com/grieving/me-grief-lays-layers-another-layer-224402/)

RavenDarkLight 10-10-15 12:33 AM

For me grief lays in layers - and another layer has lifted
My counselor told me this - that grief exists in layers, and with time and healing, each layer eventually lifts.

This feels true for me. When I compare how "heavy" I felt when my Mom first journeyed home to the Spirit world at the end of August to how heavy I feel now, I do notice that the "load" feels lighter upon me today.

Another layer has lifted recently.

Has anyone else noticed this - layers of grief being lifted?

That has been the case for me, and I wanted to share it in case it helps give those of you reading this some hope that your grief too will lift away, one layer at a time, as you work at your process of healing. For those of you heavy with grief right now, you have my utmost compassion and caring thoughts. You are not alone although it may feel like it at times. You will not hurt as much in time. Maybe counseling might help you, or spending time with your memories and feelings with a trusted friend, or even alone. But you will be okay. Rest when you need to, but always come back to the heart-healing work of grief.

That's what I've learned so far. :smile:

123Noon321 10-15-15 02:49 PM

I am glad that some layers of grief have lifted for you :hug: :hug: :hug:

As when it comes to me... i dont know.. after year+ i kind of even dont think about person i lost, but whenever i mention her to someone my tears start running.

RavenDarkLight 10-16-15 10:19 PM

Hi, nsdimitrije. Yeah, I've been leaking around the eyes again recently.

I think another layer is trying to dislodge itself.

I thought I knew pain before. It was a scratch from a thistle compared to what I'm carrying right now. I thought I knew grief before. It was a ripple in a pond compared to this storm wave smashing down on me right now.

I can't even look at my Mom's picture without crying. This is not good. I want to remember her with happy memories, not feel sad and avoid thinking about her.

There is some hidden well of - I won't call it strength - maybe stubborn endurance. Something in me refuses to let this do me in.

But holding it off is utterly exhausting.

I've reached out to a Sundance Elder. I have asked him if he would talk to me about death and what "happens" to our loved ones after they cross over, according to our traditional Indigenous beliefs of this territory. I want to believe she remembers me and still loves me. But I'm not feeling it. Perhaps the sorrow is in the way. Something feels stuck, lodged inside like a large impenetrable stone that won't let anything past it.

My first week back at work was exhausting. I am really doubting right now if I can continue working. But the thought of not working scares me. I really like my work. But physically I'm not able to perform my duties very well.

This is hell. I'm taking things really easy - not doing too much house work or socializing. It feels if I do too much I will shatter into bits, I feel that fragile and brittle.

Huh. Expressing it helps. Not so alone then.

I just apologized to my husband for having to live with such an unwell person. He told me he's okay, not to worry about him ... but it must be hard on him too.

My ability to think positive about myself has been really impaired. I'm saying a lot of negative things about myself, really lost my confidence for my job.

My mother would NOT want to see me go through this. But I don't know what else to do. The first aid kit ... not finding a lot of help there.

So I think I will just float for a while. Surrender. Sleep when I can, eat when I can. Do as much work at my job as I can. And try to be okay with not having a hot frickin clue as to what is going to happen next.

I want off this ride and demand a full refund for the entry fee!

123Noon321 10-17-15 12:25 PM

I am sorry to hear that :( I hope you will feel better soon. We are there for you :hug: :hug: :hug:

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