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-   -   I feel like I'm losing my mind in grieving (https://www.takethislife.com/grieving/i-feel-like-im-losing-my-221649/)

RavenDarkLight 09-16-15 07:21 PM

I feel like I'm losing my mind in grieving
 
This is the weirdest experience. I feel like I'm losing my mind in grieving my Mom's passing.

I feel guilty because this is hitting me harder than the passing of my father.

I am in such a dense mental fog these past few days I am so afraid people will see how wacked out I am.

Sometimes when the phone rings, a part of my stupid mind thinks "Maybe it's the hospital phoning to say there's been a big mistake and my Mom is still alive, wanting to see me."

Has anyone else ever worried they were going crazy in their grieving? Seriously. I'm worried about my mental health tonight!

RavenDarkLight 09-16-15 07:41 PM

Yeah I'm replying to my own post. I just wanted to share that I've done some reading on the good ole internet. What I'm going through is "normal". Phew!

Seriously. Sometimes the internet is evil ... but sometimes I wonder, what did people do before the age of instant "answers" that can come from the internet?

I seriously thought there was something really wrong with me. But to read articles on grief written by counsellors, social workers, etc. really helps me not be as afraid for my mental health.

SensualGirl 09-17-15 10:36 AM

Please have my sympathies:frown:. I cant imagine what it's like to lose your mom. Nothing wrong with being more upset about one relative over another. Maybe you were just closer. At least it wasn't a closer child!:rolleyes:

Good on you for being proactive. You don't sound "crazy" though. You write coherently. So yeah you *are* "normal.":hug:Btw, my grandmother went totally crazy when she lost her mom (my great grandmother) and started talking to herself out loud. Also when my father's brother (my uncle) got executed by rebel forces, my dad went bonkers and said that there were tanks in the backyard filled with rifles.:rolleyes: He moved on, and so did my grandmother, so you will too.:hug:

RavenDarkLight 09-18-15 09:13 PM

Thanks, sensual girl, for your reassurance. I appreciate it. It's funny how deep these feelings go!

I'm so sorry about what happened to your uncle. That is such a tragic death.

Take care yourself!

SensualGirl 09-19-15 04:42 AM

You're welcome. My uncles execution was umpteen years ago so no worries.

Dave86 09-20-15 12:04 AM

I understand what you are going through I have been living in the grieving
process for the last few years. The problem is everyone grieves different.
Some people get on fast for some it takes a long time. There is nothing wrong
with you . You are just human and in pain. I can really relate to what you said about the phone ringing. My mind still tricks me when I am in a crowd I think she
will still show up but never does. Hardest part of life is accepting someone you
love is gone. Just remember this she is not gone forever. All of the love you shared is in you. She lives inside you . It's nobody's business how long it
takes you to grieve. I am sorry for your loss and I pray your heart will find
some peace.

RavenDarkLight 11-01-15 09:03 PM

Hey, Dave86. Just wanted to say thank you for replying. I obviously haven't been back to this thread for a while.

It was relieving to hear that you can relate. And thank you for your kind prayers and thoughts.

I hope you have a good evening. :smile:

Eyeland 11-02-15 01:10 AM

In the past i too was worried sick i was losing my mind...until i made a quantum leap of sorts...it was like stepping through a threshold. I stopped caring if i was going nuts. And it was a moment of freedom for me, just my personal experience. It stopped having power over me and yes it greatly helped me to heal enough to overcome a large part of the grief about many things in my life....right or worng, worked for me. I pray you find peace and harmony, but let the grief and pain do their cycle. You honor the ones who departed from your life this way, and then you keep going. Just the loved ones would want you to :)

Highwayman300 11-02-15 12:42 PM

I suppose it is normal, as I am going through almost the same.
Every day I get up I quickly wish my wife is still there when I open my eyes, and even when I see the bed empty, I quickly go downstairs looking for her, hoping it was all a bad dream, a nightmare.

I still feel the need to cook or clean everything as she was there. She usually spent quite a bit of time in the garden, so every now and then I check on it as if she was there.

Lastly, I mean no disrespect, but I feel almost everyone is closer to their mother than they are to their father.

RavenDarkLight 02-13-16 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eyeland (Post 2333122)
In the past i too was worried sick i was losing my mind...until i made a quantum leap of sorts...it was like stepping through a threshold. I stopped caring if i was going nuts. And it was a moment of freedom for me, just my personal experience. It stopped having power over me and yes it greatly helped me to heal enough to overcome a large part of the grief about many things in my life....right or worng, worked for me. I pray you find peace and harmony, but let the grief and pain do their cycle. You honor the ones who departed from your life this way, and then you keep going. Just the loved ones would want you to :)

Hi, Eyeland. Hey, I really like your member name. Cool!

Thank you for these words. Especially "let the grief and pain do their cycle". They really cannot be rushed or ignored.

It makes sense. The thing is, I've realized that in the past 3 1/2 years, I've experienced a number of losses. It's like just as I was crawling back up from one loss, another occurred. I don't mean to make myself sound extra special or have a pity party here. I think I am one of those people who have a low tolerance to stress.

I've had recurring illness since October, and I really think it has something to do with stress kicking the crap out of my immune system.

Taking stock like this helps me to understand why I'm having trouble getting back on my feet. I just got a referral for a new grief counselor through my workplace employee assistance program. I'm hoping to get some support from her in beginning to integrate these multiple losses into my life.


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