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OnlyButterflies 06-29-15 04:06 PM

Anxiety over SAT (USA) and other things
I'm a high schooler planning to take the old version of the SAT this coming fall. I'm really anxious, to the point of tears daily, since I'm self-studying and all my friends are either in SAT prep camps or have studied for years. I just started and I can practically feel my time running out. I'm not making any progress. I don't know what I'm doing.

I have 7 weeks left before school starts. I also have to study for a math course. I haven't started yet.

I'm supposed to be running every day in order to train for the cross country season this fall (7 weeks from now), but haven't been able to find the motivation to run for the past two and a half weeks.

On a daily basis, I'm not able to accomplish anything that I know I have to do. I have no time management, am supposed to be studying right now, no direction, and I feel like I'm just completely useless.

Last year I had mildly-bad depression, suicidal thoughts, lots and lots of anxiety, and similar feelings of worthlessness. I thought that I got better but I am still unable to do anything, or pick myself up, and am starting to feel the same hopelessness as last year. I feel so pathetic, and I'm sick of myself. I hate that I'm always relying on others, even now.

I hate being so pessimistic, and people have told me not to give up before I even try, but I don't know how to change. Although part of the reason I'm so depressed might be because of my mother, who is severely depressed and often angry and screaming and crying. I have no idea how to help her, and she seems to be getting worse, and nowadays she takes it out on us kids as well. Sometimes I feel so mad at her, but I'm the same as her (which terrifies me), and I feel sick and selfish when I think that I might blame her for anything, when she did/ does so much for me.

I tried giving myself set schedules, but I haven't been able to follow them.

I don't know if I explained my feelings well, or if this even makes sense, but any advice would be appreciated, just on how to pick myself up or even on how to focus/ study. I'm just really anxious and have no one to vent to, and I'm so frustrated with myself. I feel like I can't do anything. Everything I try to do, I fail.

mallen 07-25-15 09:53 AM

I'm sorry to hear this. It seems like you have a lot on your shoulders and the weight of it seems like too much to bear.

I've been there before, or at least somewhere similar. I would recommend taking one thing on at a time. One small step at a time. Ex: Just study one chapter of this textbook before lunch. Once that's done, maybe you can go for a quick run later in the day.
Start small and work your way towards bigger goals. Give yourself breaks, but when you have goals, try to earn your breaks. Tell yourself you'll work 1 hour then relax for an hour.

When you look at the big sum of everything that has to be done it can seem overwhelming for sure. But they are all a collective bunch of little things in the end. You can take on one little thing at a time. I can tell from your post that you're obviously intelligent and insightful.

Unfortunately, I feel like mental health issues take a lot of effort to "fix". You're going to have to condition these worthless feelings out of your brain. the brain can be re-wired for sure, it just takes work. Don't ever think that you can't do something (within reason), because that's a purely deceptive thought. You can get out of depression and you can reach your goals. It's just there's no easy way to do it and I think we all know that already.

My advice in short: make small goals for yourself that are achievable. and question these thoughts of worthlessness when they come in, your true self is greater than depression.

best of luck.

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