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tessamess 05-08-15 10:02 PM

don't watch scary documentaries...ever
I love documentaries. Because I feel like I'm learning something. the scientific ones. But I watch food ones, scientific food ones. Like Fed Up has a lot of science, and some other ones promoting veganism. So i learn stuff from them. And they helped me get better, like no more diabetes, and good cholesterol numbers even though I stopped statins.
I watched this one called Autopsy. Cause my Dad used to work as an assistant to a medical examiner and he used to tell us stories as kids. And when we caught fish, he taught me to clean them by comparing it to a dissection or an autopsy.
So it was science I was after, watching this documentary.
unfortunately, it started out with a 911 call and this lady was like dying on the phone.
but I watched the whole thing cause I wanted to know why.
Then of course it didn't help, cause I already have insomnia issues. I couldn't sleep later that night, and I went downstairs to lie down on the couch in the dark.
And was scared out of my wits! I kept thinking, someone is gonna break in and kill me just like that poor lady, because the rest of the family is asleep upstairs, the dogs are all upstairs asleep, i'm alone downstairs and that's when serial killer get you. I got so scared I couldn't move for a little while because I knew for sure someone was in the other room. But then I just gritted my teeth and ran upstairs, woke my husband up at 3 am and told him I was scared. poor guy was sound asleep but he just hugged me till i stopped freaking out.
now I get scared alone in the dark downstairs. and I keep hearing that lady on the phone.
I told my therapist. He said it's an intrusive thought. Like the thought that if I get lost on the highway I will end up in Mexico and not be able to get home cause I don't have a passport and they might think I'm not a citizen of the US, because I am brown, but not hispanic, and I can't even speak spanish so I won't be able to explain that I made a wrong turn.
So even though I love science, I wonder if I will be able to watch documentaries anymore. My kids tell me not to even watch the food ones. Because I got vitamin deficiencies. But I did get healthy for a while..maybe I can watch again after I get my mind back together..or maybe I should just stop. I don't know. I love to learn as much as possible. But I can't keep calling my doc and picking his brain for information after I learn something new from a documentary or a book?
yeah, still "talking too much" I just read over this. this is how I talk, the kids and husband were right..jumping from subject to subject. but it's basically the same subject. Documentaries.

don't watch scary ones.

Crystal Orb 05-09-15 05:50 AM

I understand the thirst for knowledge as I myself tend to do the same, even down to the way of talking. Many times I have pissed people off because I have questioned things that they take to be absolute truths and I can likely go back to any subject and ask arrays of questions, even going over ones that I've already asked before or may even know the answer to.

So I can understand in a way how this can be for you and "talking too much. I also suspect that because our minds are prone to thought, somewhat more excessively than others, when an idea crawls in and it generates a symptom of intrusion, it can be hard to get rid of because we already are giving it though regardless of the effects it causes.

I wonder if there is a way to overcome this.

tessamess 06-04-15 09:43 PM

well, the lithium is making me slower now. even though I talked the doctor's ear off and he had to ask me to repeat myself a few times. But he's my fact checker so it's cool :) Lately I haven't watched any documentaries. It's weird because that was so me, i loved being a sponge and just soaking it all in. Now I have been watching AbFab. one episode a day. And I found a nutrition textbook at the thrift shop for $2 with a CD in it unopened. It's actually pretty good, but I'm not devouring it like I used to. and only reading the one book at a time, well 2, but it used to be like 3 or 4 :) it's like the lithium took the " I need info on everything" chunk out of my brain. and the scary stuff is gone too. But I scan news stuff and I can talk about some current events.
weird huh? instead of a need, it has become a wish

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